Insecurities

Everyone has their insecurities, those little things that hold us back from being able to hold our heads high and confidently and truthfully say "I accept and love myself, and that's all that matters". Some people's insecurities aren't visible to others, and some people's are, but no matter what kind of insecurity it is that someone has, it is always very valid and it's a very hard personal struggle. There is not one person out there that can honestly tell me that they do not struggle with some kind of insecurity in their life. 

For example, my biggest insecurity right now, not matter how silly it may seem to anyone else, is the fact that I have lines in my forehead because I have just been too dang expressive with my forehead for my whole life. Why is this even a big deal to me at all you ask? Well because I'm only 19 years old! And I feel like they make me look so much older than I really am, and because it worries me that I am going to age a lot faster, and for some reason aging early has really been something that's been weighing on my mind lately. I really don't want that to happen. Another insecurity of mine is the fact that my right eye is shaped a little different from my left eye, my upper eyelid is a little droopier and I have kind of a wrinkle crease where there probably shouldn't be one, and my skin on that eyelid is just generally looser. I was probably born with this difference in my eyes, and I'm probably just now noticing it, but no matter what it's been bugging me. And no matter how much other people tell me they don't see or notice these things, or how much I tell myself these things are just such minor details and that I really need to stop picking myself apart, I just can't help but notice these minor details first thing when I look in a mirror and every time it's a blow to my already low self esteem. In the back of my mind I know how silly/vain these things are, and I know that they really shouldn't upset me nearly as much as they do... But I can't help it. They are my biggest insecurities as of recently. 

Now I know that I will probably get over these things, it will just take a little bit more time. I know that they are just bugging me because I tend to get into my head a lot and over think basically everything, and when something gets into my head pretty much nothing can get it out until I choose to accept and move on, and sometimes that process can take longer than I like. Sadly I suffer from anxieties, and being a hypochondriac on a daily basis, I also suffer from insomnia pretty frequently, and so all of these things combined make it so that little things seem huge and I carry a lot more stress than I should. Over all though, I feel like I am more on the uphill route with things than the down hill route. I just hit a minor bump in the road every once in a while.

Now that I've brought up my insecurities that I carry with me every day, some people who read this will probably notice them more because they'll be looking.. I'll be very honest and say it was very hard for me to just openly put these things out there for everyone to see, but at the same time it's kind of a good therapeutic cleansing process.. I can't decide which one out weighs the other.. But my point for putting this all on here in the first place is to let everyone that is silently struggling with something know that they are definitely not alone. Whether you have something unseen, or something you feel like is seen, remember everyone has their trials, and there are probably a lot of people struggling with something very similar to what you are going through.

I wish this world wasn't as fast paced and media based as it is now.. I feel like then maybe we could all just take time to take a step back, relax and breathe. Sadly the pressure that is constantly put on people now days (especially girls) is just ridiculous. It's like an expectation to look absolutely perfect all the time, to be the absolute smartest, to have the best career, to make the most money, to be the most popular, to have the coolest stuff, and so on... It never ends and I feel like the pressure of the modern world just builds and builds every day until finally people start snapping and it becomes harder and harder to get up every time. I mean look at me! The world has me convinced that I look hideous and that I am aging at an extremely young age when these are probably just things in my skin that I was born with. Every day people are picking themselves apart, even those that seem to have loads of self confidence. And for what purpose? It doesn't make you feel better, it doesn't change anything, it doesn't make anyone else feel better. There is not benefit. Yet we go on and on like this in one big crazy insanity circle. Sometimes I think the modern age has more cons than it has pros.

When you are having an extra hard time with the insecurities in your life, try to take a day to slow down. Don't let the media in your life so much during your harder times. This means pretty much no T.V., not surfing the internet, no watching the news and letting all of the depressing stories in, no reading all of the silly pop culture magazines.. Simplify your life. Surround yourself only with those that love you for everything you are and see you as pretty much perfect. If your insecurity is a flaw you see in your physical appearance avoid mirrors as much as possible, consistently reminding yourself what it is that you don't like about your looks definitely isn't going to make you feel any better and it definitely won't help you move past it any faster, also stop comparing yourself to others they don't matter, you are you and they are them, you are two totally separate beings. Also some really big things that can help are finding time to exercise, eating healthier, and drinking plenty of water. Cut as much sugar and fat out of your diet as possible (all of these things are things I could do better at myself). Try to find time to meditate, go to a quiet place, play some simple and calm music and just let your body completely relax, think of each individual body part and one at a time let them all go limp, take deep breaths and clear your mind. If that doesn't sound like something that would help you maybe go for a walk, or do something that will distract you like going out with your friends to dinner or a movie. Even when none of these things seem appealing they really are key to helping yourself feel better, get out of a depressed rut and gaining your self confidence back.

Don't let your insecurities beat you from shining and loving yourself completely. You will always have periods of times where it seems nearly impossible to move on, but you can always get through them, you just can't give up. Living in this world is hard, trust me, I know. But it is doable, and you can be happy and confident while doing it, you just have to remember to see the beauty in yourself and your everyday life.