So, lately I have been seeing a lot of posts on the new movement "Porn Kills Love". It's all about speaking out against porn and the damage it can cause to a person and their families/loved ones. And it's been really making me think about my stance on the whole topic and the message this new group is trying to get across.
Now, let my start by saying, I personally do not condone porn. I in no way think it is an okay thing. In fact I think it is very demeaning to any woman or man who participates in it, and I think it is very sad and quite awful that people watch it so regularly and get so addicted to it. Porn is the new drug, there is no doubt about it. You can get addicted to it just like you can get addicted to alcohol or any form of drugs.. I find porn a very disgusting industry.. So with that said, I would now like to tell you my take on why, even though I hate porn, it doesn't need to kill love.
When you think of other addictions such as the ones I stated above (alcohol and drugs) do you think of them killing love? Do you no longer love the people who are close to you in your life that are addicts of some kind? Do you think they no longer love you? I know I certainly don't. I have dealt with a few people very close to me being addicts, and I have watched some of my friends deal with family members as addicts. And while none of it is easy, for either the addict or the loved one, the addiction has never been the thing to kill love.. From what I have seen, the only thing to ever kill love is a person giving up on someone else, and walking away.
I am not saying walking away is always a bad option. Sometimes it is needed. But in my opinion, it should never be the first thing that is done. And your walking away should never be blamed on the addiction itself, it can only ever really be blamed on you. Your decision. Your action. No addiction out there has ever MADE someone give up. It has never MADE someone walk away. No one, and no thing out there can be held responsible for you, except you.
When someone in my life is struggling with any addiction, my first reaction, out of love, is to help them in the ways I can. Encourage them to find help. Talk to them when they need to talk something out. Be there for them if they relapse.
Dealing with an addiction cannot be an easy thing. It is usually a time when someone really needs loving people in there lives helping them get through it. Not having them walk away.
Why should the addiction to porn be viewed as any worse than any other addiction out there? Video games? Alcohol? Drugs? Shopping? Every addiction can be just as damaging as the next. It may appear in different ways, but it can all be devastating in the end. Just because your husband or boyfriend watches porn, doesn't instantly mean he doesn't love you. It just means he has a problem and he needs help.. Often YOUR help. Being the bigger person, stepping up and helping them in their desperate time of need is often the best thing you can do..
I do not believe that many people who view or even read porn are walking into it with the intentions to hurt anyone.. Nor do I believe they ever stop loving anyone because of it either. Often times the way people ever even start viewing porn is by mistake, and it spirals out of control from there..
If I ever found out my husband was having an issue with porn, my first step would be to let him know it is okay for him to come to me for help with it. I wouldn't scream and yell, I wouldn't threaten a divorce.. Yes, I would let him know I was disappointed and that I don't believe porn is okay.. But I would never stop loving him because of it. Instead I'd use the love we have for each other to help both of us through the hard process of trying to get him past the addiction. I feel like that is the best thing I could do for him if he ever had that issue.
Porn does many things, it is many things.. But killing love is not one of those things. Not from what I've seen, and not from what I ever think I'll see. In my opinion I believe that is one of the most cruel ways you could put it. A lot of people struggling with it are already feeling bad enough about life and about themselves.. They do not need people telling them they are killing love for anyone on top of it all. That is much too harsh.
So, by all means, speak out against porn. Be involved in movements to stop this ridiculous industry. But there is no need to be harsh about it. No need to leave someone struggling with it in the dust and all alone.
Just some things to maybe think about.
Monday, March 23, 2015
Monday, March 16, 2015
Why those 27 things to do before you get married may, or may not, be right for you..
Dear friends,
For the longest time I used to be one of the most skeptical people out there about getting married young.. I used to be just as bad as most at passing judgement on to those who got married at 20 and giggling about all the things they would "no longer" be able to do in their life.
But, here I am, married at 21. No much better than being married at 20, huh? And while I still do think you should at least have a couple years out of High School before you should jump on that wagon of bridal bliss, maybe seriously date a few people before you claim your first and only boyfriend is "the one".. I now scoff at all those silly blogs and articles full of "27 things you need to do before getting married!" or "why you'll regret getting married young". I seriously never thought I'd be this person that is all for getting married young.. Don't get me wrong, I still do think there are certain things you should know or do or be before you get married at a young age.. Marriage is hard (in all the right ways), it takes maturity, the ability to equally think about your spouses needs along with your own, a great deal of selflessness and compromise.. It isn't something you should jump into with just anyone.. And it shouldn't be done if you aren't ready for a true adult world. Your life will not be all play and no work, it will not be all about you any more.. And you definitely should not have to raise each other. Please do be honest with yourself in the whole decision making process required before you say "I do".. It isn't just all about the wedding day. A marriage is much bigger than that, and the wedding day is gone in the blink of an eye.
With all that said, I would just like to say.. There is no such thing as 27 things you need to do before you get married or they will never ever happen.. Getting married is not a prison, it does not stop you from being you and exploring life.. All it does is give you a partner to do those things with, someone to enjoy experiences with, someone to laugh with, to cry with, to explore with, and so much more. If you view marriage as something that holds you back and inhibits you, I honestly don't know if it will ever be for you no matter what age you are.
When going into a marriage look at it as an extension in your life. Something to help you grow and discover new ways of living. In my opinion, if you have chosen the correct person, your true partner in crime, marriage can add so much happiness to your life.
I know i haven't been married long at all, so I am in no way an authority figure on the subject. But I also chose to walk into this wide eyed, and ready for the best. This is a new chapter in my life. And I am so excited to explore it with Kevin. I choose to still do all of those adventurous things, the only difference is I'll have my best friend with me.
I choose to still go skydiving, travel to Europe, go backpacking, discover new music, watch a TV show I've never heard of, try new food/restaurants, go on scavenger hunts... And so much more. I will still be spontaneous, happy and fulfilled.. I will still shoot for my dream jobs and go for my goals. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is holding me back from any of that. Kevin isn't, where I live isn't.. Nothing. I can still dare to dream and shoot for the stars. And the only thing Kevin is going to do is encourage me, help me along the way, offer ideas and advice, and continue to love me just as much as he does now.. And I will do the exact same thing for him.
Our future as a married couple is bright and exciting. I have never doubted that it would be through any of the engagement process, or through this first month of marriage. Really, my life hasn't changed much ever since I said "I do" the only thing different is I have my absolute best friend right there next to me every morning, ready to give me a big bear hug and the worlds biggest kiss attack..
Just be smart. Do what is right for you. Don't let social media convince you that you need to get married young, or that you shouldn't get married young. Really, it's all just your own perception, and your own needs at the time. Be honest with yourself about what you want. Do it for the right reasons, not the superficial ones, or the ones people are telling you to have. But either way, don't feel bad about it, and don't make others feel bad about what they've chosen either.
So, is young marriage right or wrong for you?
For me, it was one of the best decisions I have made so far..
Oh, and here's a big Happy One Month Anniversary shout out to my honey, Kevin! We hit one official month of marriage this past Saturday (the 14th).. And we are still going strong ;)
For the longest time I used to be one of the most skeptical people out there about getting married young.. I used to be just as bad as most at passing judgement on to those who got married at 20 and giggling about all the things they would "no longer" be able to do in their life.
But, here I am, married at 21. No much better than being married at 20, huh? And while I still do think you should at least have a couple years out of High School before you should jump on that wagon of bridal bliss, maybe seriously date a few people before you claim your first and only boyfriend is "the one".. I now scoff at all those silly blogs and articles full of "27 things you need to do before getting married!" or "why you'll regret getting married young". I seriously never thought I'd be this person that is all for getting married young.. Don't get me wrong, I still do think there are certain things you should know or do or be before you get married at a young age.. Marriage is hard (in all the right ways), it takes maturity, the ability to equally think about your spouses needs along with your own, a great deal of selflessness and compromise.. It isn't something you should jump into with just anyone.. And it shouldn't be done if you aren't ready for a true adult world. Your life will not be all play and no work, it will not be all about you any more.. And you definitely should not have to raise each other. Please do be honest with yourself in the whole decision making process required before you say "I do".. It isn't just all about the wedding day. A marriage is much bigger than that, and the wedding day is gone in the blink of an eye.
With all that said, I would just like to say.. There is no such thing as 27 things you need to do before you get married or they will never ever happen.. Getting married is not a prison, it does not stop you from being you and exploring life.. All it does is give you a partner to do those things with, someone to enjoy experiences with, someone to laugh with, to cry with, to explore with, and so much more. If you view marriage as something that holds you back and inhibits you, I honestly don't know if it will ever be for you no matter what age you are.
When going into a marriage look at it as an extension in your life. Something to help you grow and discover new ways of living. In my opinion, if you have chosen the correct person, your true partner in crime, marriage can add so much happiness to your life.
I know i haven't been married long at all, so I am in no way an authority figure on the subject. But I also chose to walk into this wide eyed, and ready for the best. This is a new chapter in my life. And I am so excited to explore it with Kevin. I choose to still do all of those adventurous things, the only difference is I'll have my best friend with me.
I choose to still go skydiving, travel to Europe, go backpacking, discover new music, watch a TV show I've never heard of, try new food/restaurants, go on scavenger hunts... And so much more. I will still be spontaneous, happy and fulfilled.. I will still shoot for my dream jobs and go for my goals. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is holding me back from any of that. Kevin isn't, where I live isn't.. Nothing. I can still dare to dream and shoot for the stars. And the only thing Kevin is going to do is encourage me, help me along the way, offer ideas and advice, and continue to love me just as much as he does now.. And I will do the exact same thing for him.
Our future as a married couple is bright and exciting. I have never doubted that it would be through any of the engagement process, or through this first month of marriage. Really, my life hasn't changed much ever since I said "I do" the only thing different is I have my absolute best friend right there next to me every morning, ready to give me a big bear hug and the worlds biggest kiss attack..
Just be smart. Do what is right for you. Don't let social media convince you that you need to get married young, or that you shouldn't get married young. Really, it's all just your own perception, and your own needs at the time. Be honest with yourself about what you want. Do it for the right reasons, not the superficial ones, or the ones people are telling you to have. But either way, don't feel bad about it, and don't make others feel bad about what they've chosen either.
So, is young marriage right or wrong for you?
For me, it was one of the best decisions I have made so far..
Oh, and here's a big Happy One Month Anniversary shout out to my honey, Kevin! We hit one official month of marriage this past Saturday (the 14th).. And we are still going strong ;)
Monday, March 2, 2015
Dear Lover,
Dear lover, care taker, husband, best friend, and high light to my day..
Dear Kevin..
I have so much I want to say to you, and not enough words to capture it all...
Everyone warned me that after the engagement excitement, and the months and months of wedding planning, the big day, and the being whisked off to a much needed honeymoon right after it all, I'd feel a lull and a kind of depression/down time.. Because after all that hype for so long it just suddenly stops.. No warning, no gradual descent.. It's just over.. And then what do you do? For so long the purpose was pulling that wedding together.. For so long it was all about running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and not nearly enough time in the day.. Then all of a sudden, BAM, life is just normal and mundane, back to the old grind, almost like none of that fairy tale time ever happened.
And I'll admit, it has hit me a little bit.. But I wouldn't call it depression, just a slight lull in life. We have our new apartment, our big day has come and gone, our honeymoon has also come and gone.. And I see couples getting newly engaged, or just barely seeing their engagement pictures for the first time, and I miss that feeling. That extreme high that gives you amazing butterflies in your stomach everyday, there is truly nothing like it. But has this feeling smashed me and totally taken over my life like some people would of had me believe it would do? No. Simply no. Why? Well, it's because of you. There is a whole new kind of excitement in my life now..
I didn't say yes when you got down on one knee almost a year ago in Disneyland only because I just wanted a wedding day.. I wanted a marriage. I wanted you. You and me forever, taking on the world together as an unstoppable duo. I wanted to wake up to your disheveled hair and little grumblings in the morning. I wanted to feel your warm arms wrap completely around me protectively in the biggest bear hug ever everyday for the rest of my life.. I didn't want to ever miss seeing the wonderful gleam in your eye whenever you see a new Lego set.. Or miss hearing your extremely contagious laugh echo through the halls of the house... Or have to fondly remember the way you crack yourself up whenever you tell a joke. I wanted all of you, everyday, for the rest of forever, just like you wanted all of me. Flaws, bad hair days, and all.
You are everything to me and more. Yes it is slightly impossible to not feel a slight low after all that hype. But all it is for me is a slight change in pace. Because we still have so much to look forward to in life together. So many more firsts and exciting things to come for us. And when I think of that, or wake up to your amazing eyes looking right back at me.. I get a new kind of excitement in my stomach.
I am so excited to get our first house together.. To buy our first dog together... Our first nice car.. Our first child.. Our first trip to Disney World, or a Disney Cruise.. And so many more amazing firsts. So much of this amazing life to take on with my partner in crime right by my side.
I am so overjoyed that I married you. And I will always look back fondly on this time in our lives. But I am much more excited to really get our lives together going.. The possibilities are endless!
I love you, Kevin, to the moon and back. You're the peanut butter to my jelly, the Han to my Leia, the butterflies in my belly, the apple to my pie, the Merry to my Pippin, the John to my Sherlock, the straw to my berry, the Westley to my Buttercup, the Nutella to my bread, the hazelnut to my coffee, the Sam to my Dean, the Link to my Zelda, the Arthur to my Merlin, the pep in my step, the sun to my shine, the vanilla to my coke, the peanut butter to my chocolate, the whipped cream to my ice cream.. You're the Forever to my Always..
I know the rest of my life is going to be a fairy-tale, because you are definitely my knight in shining armor. You lift me up like no one else can, you make me smile even when it's the last thing I feel like doing, you take care of me when I'm sick, and hold me when I cry, I know you'd do anything to see my smile (including making a fool of yourself in public), you're my voice of reason when I have none, and secretly I'll always love it when you tickle attack me.. I am the luckiest in the whole world. You're my reason, my universe. I wouldn't trade a moment with you for anything else.
Know that I am always very grateful to you, even when it may not seem like it. Know that I love you deeply, even when I don't always say it enough. Know that I see how much you do for us, even when you feel inadequate. Know I'll always be by your side, even when it's rough. Know I'll always try to make you feel those butterflies you continue to make me feel on a daily basis.
Are you excited for our future too? I sure hope you are.. Because I'm bounce off the walls, jump up and down, crazy dance excited for it! And I don't want to be the only one with a goofy smile on my face over it.
Forever yours..
-Princess
XOXO
Dear Kevin..
I have so much I want to say to you, and not enough words to capture it all...
Everyone warned me that after the engagement excitement, and the months and months of wedding planning, the big day, and the being whisked off to a much needed honeymoon right after it all, I'd feel a lull and a kind of depression/down time.. Because after all that hype for so long it just suddenly stops.. No warning, no gradual descent.. It's just over.. And then what do you do? For so long the purpose was pulling that wedding together.. For so long it was all about running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and not nearly enough time in the day.. Then all of a sudden, BAM, life is just normal and mundane, back to the old grind, almost like none of that fairy tale time ever happened.
And I'll admit, it has hit me a little bit.. But I wouldn't call it depression, just a slight lull in life. We have our new apartment, our big day has come and gone, our honeymoon has also come and gone.. And I see couples getting newly engaged, or just barely seeing their engagement pictures for the first time, and I miss that feeling. That extreme high that gives you amazing butterflies in your stomach everyday, there is truly nothing like it. But has this feeling smashed me and totally taken over my life like some people would of had me believe it would do? No. Simply no. Why? Well, it's because of you. There is a whole new kind of excitement in my life now..
I didn't say yes when you got down on one knee almost a year ago in Disneyland only because I just wanted a wedding day.. I wanted a marriage. I wanted you. You and me forever, taking on the world together as an unstoppable duo. I wanted to wake up to your disheveled hair and little grumblings in the morning. I wanted to feel your warm arms wrap completely around me protectively in the biggest bear hug ever everyday for the rest of my life.. I didn't want to ever miss seeing the wonderful gleam in your eye whenever you see a new Lego set.. Or miss hearing your extremely contagious laugh echo through the halls of the house... Or have to fondly remember the way you crack yourself up whenever you tell a joke. I wanted all of you, everyday, for the rest of forever, just like you wanted all of me. Flaws, bad hair days, and all.
You are everything to me and more. Yes it is slightly impossible to not feel a slight low after all that hype. But all it is for me is a slight change in pace. Because we still have so much to look forward to in life together. So many more firsts and exciting things to come for us. And when I think of that, or wake up to your amazing eyes looking right back at me.. I get a new kind of excitement in my stomach.
I am so excited to get our first house together.. To buy our first dog together... Our first nice car.. Our first child.. Our first trip to Disney World, or a Disney Cruise.. And so many more amazing firsts. So much of this amazing life to take on with my partner in crime right by my side.
I am so overjoyed that I married you. And I will always look back fondly on this time in our lives. But I am much more excited to really get our lives together going.. The possibilities are endless!
I love you, Kevin, to the moon and back. You're the peanut butter to my jelly, the Han to my Leia, the butterflies in my belly, the apple to my pie, the Merry to my Pippin, the John to my Sherlock, the straw to my berry, the Westley to my Buttercup, the Nutella to my bread, the hazelnut to my coffee, the Sam to my Dean, the Link to my Zelda, the Arthur to my Merlin, the pep in my step, the sun to my shine, the vanilla to my coke, the peanut butter to my chocolate, the whipped cream to my ice cream.. You're the Forever to my Always..
I know the rest of my life is going to be a fairy-tale, because you are definitely my knight in shining armor. You lift me up like no one else can, you make me smile even when it's the last thing I feel like doing, you take care of me when I'm sick, and hold me when I cry, I know you'd do anything to see my smile (including making a fool of yourself in public), you're my voice of reason when I have none, and secretly I'll always love it when you tickle attack me.. I am the luckiest in the whole world. You're my reason, my universe. I wouldn't trade a moment with you for anything else.
Know that I am always very grateful to you, even when it may not seem like it. Know that I love you deeply, even when I don't always say it enough. Know that I see how much you do for us, even when you feel inadequate. Know I'll always be by your side, even when it's rough. Know I'll always try to make you feel those butterflies you continue to make me feel on a daily basis.
Are you excited for our future too? I sure hope you are.. Because I'm bounce off the walls, jump up and down, crazy dance excited for it! And I don't want to be the only one with a goofy smile on my face over it.
Forever yours..
-Princess
XOXO
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