The thin line between the fake order and the very real chaos.

I was told just a little earlier today by someone very close to me that I should be some type of motivational speaker. He said this because of the conversation we were having at the time. It certain ways it was deep and thought provoking, at least on my part, because I tend to enjoy expanding upon things and thinking critically (even when it isn't necessarily needed). I've been like this basically my whole life (but especially within the past two years), I refuse to conform, I do not believe in absolute truths, I think critically, I am open to all sorts of ideas and opinions, I research and study things in order to be as educated as I can, I do not follow blindly, I do not choose to believe things based off of anyone else's idea but instead based upon my own... Generally in most situations, I tend to go left when most people go right (metaphorically speaking of course). Like I told this person, I am a black sheep. And basically every person that is close to me in this life are black sheep as well.. Because I no longer embrace the fake idea of "order" that humans have created, and I do not surround myself with many things or people that do. 

I laughed when this person told me I should be a motivational speaker. I have had many people before him tell me the same thing. Or something close to the same thing. That I should right a book, or speak, or teach classes... And every time I have tended to just laugh it off. They all say that they would support me, because they find the things say, do, think, and study thought provoking and interesting. But I laugh because the people telling me this are mainly black sheep like me.. They are already on the road to being different and open. They are not the stubborn minds that most human beings have become throughout the beginning of time.

Most of the things I do, say, and think, are for me. To help me become a better person, a more educated person, a more well rounded person. They haven't really been for others, although I do really enjoy when someone is willing to listen to me, or even sometimes learns something from me. I won't lie, there is a sense of joy that comes from that. But the main reason I do it all mainly for myself, is because I am someone who is not popularly accepted. Not at all. At least not around here where I live. If anything I am outcast and shunned.

Why is this? Because around here is one of the most stubborn places, I think, in the world. Simply because it is very religiously run. Religion and politics are the two things that very strongly run this world. Not much else has a say anymore. And in both of these things there is no room for free thinking or branching out. There is only "right" and "wrong", opinions that are supposed to be believed as fact, and leaders that practically program their followers. 

No one thinks for themselves anymore. They choose to cling on to another persons belief system and become controlled by that instead of finding their own. It is all part of the thin veil of fake order that people have been constructing forever. And I am someone who yanks on that.

Around here, and in more and more places that is not okay.

When someone like me yanks on that thin veil the huge group of people on the other side get a glimpse of what the world really is. And in that small glimpse all chaos breaks loose. They realize that the beliefs and opinions they have been desperately, and unrelentingly, holding on to may not be absolute truths but instead are just simple ideas. They see the uncertainty. They see that everything is much much bigger than they would like to think, and they hate it. People thrive on certainty and simplicity. And they do not like it when they are reminded that neither one ever really existed.

Since the beginning of time people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy and comfortable. This hasn't ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward. What "the work" gives us is a way to change the projector- mind - rather than the projected. It's like when there is a piece of lint on a projectors lens. We think there's a flaw in the screen, and we try to change this person and that person, whomever the flaw appears on next. But it's futile to try and change the projected images. Once we realize where the lint is, we can clear the lens itself. This is the end of suffering, and the beginning of a little joy in paradise.

People tend to enjoy making it their job to fix everyone, to mold them to their standards. And that is where the problems originate. Everyone has their own reality, their own sense of right and wrong, and so on. No two are the same. What is comfortable for you, is completely wrong to your neighbor. Accepting that no one needs to be saved, that no one will ever think the same, or want the same things... Accepting that everyone has their own reality... That is where the solution starts.

The Parable Of The Duck

Last year around this time, the beautiful transition between summer and spring, my mom and I decided to go feed the ducks down by Flowserve in Springville, Utah. It's something we've always enjoyed doing, and it was a lazy day, not filled with much to do, so we grabbed some older bread and we set off to go feed the ducks.

Me being the person I am, I instantly took notice of the tiny (and fluffy) baby ducks sweetly following their momma. They were making the cutest little squeaking noises and waddling around on their young unstable legs. Of course the mom didn't want them any where near me though, so they very quickly took the plunge into the cold water, and then they were gone down stream. Leaving me wishing I had a baby duck to call my very own, and perhaps name it squishy. 

As these sweet little ducklings floated further down stream I decided it was probably time to turn around and greet the mob of adult ducks that had very quickly gathered around me. I instantly noticed two ducks in particular though... They were shying away from the mob seemingly uncertain of what to do, obviously wanting bread like the others, but not brave enough to take a step forward into the ever growing group of ducks. It very quickly became very obvious why...

One of the ducks was a beautiful pure white, with a bright orange beak, and bright orange feet... Only this duck wasn't normal. It was missing its eyes, and it was covered in old scars, and new wounds alike. He had so many bald spots which I am almost sure were way past the point of growing any of his gorgeous white feathers back... And he was standing very timidly behind a very strong and sleek black duck, with amazing blue feathers accenting his wings. This black duck wasn't completely perfect either, while he was not nearly as beat up as his friend was, he too had bald spots, and spots crusted in blood. But unlike his friend he held his head high, and he made certain that he was always in contact with the poor white duck behind him, always touching and always protectively in front.

While I could pretty easily guess what the problem was with these two ducks, it became painfully obvious very quickly. As soon as the growing crowd of ducks noticed I was giving attention to these two lonely ducks, they swarmed. Viciously and mercilessly pecking at this poor white duck who was completely and utterly terrified. They were pecking at his already open wounds and at the places where his eyes had been, the eyes that these other ducks had so brutally taken from him however long ago. 

As I was helplessly trying to intervene I watched as something amazing happened... The beautiful black duck stood between the angry mob and the blind duck, and he fought back. While he still could not completely protect his friend from every blow, he still did absolutely everything he could to stop what was happening. He took blows to his magnificent wings, and his sleek feathers that covered his body. He flapped his wings viciously, and he bit and pecked back... All the while the white duck was clinging to him like a life line. And I watched as all of the other ducks backed away and gave up the fight.

My eyes began to brim with tears over the helplessness and sadness I felt looking at this once perfect white duck, who had the unfortunate luck of becoming the one that everyone tormented... All except one. His one magnificent friend, who was now nudging him reassuringly, and allowing him to cling to his side. His one friend who had chosen to go against the crowd and courageously stand up against something he knew was wrong and wasn't willing to partake in. His one friend who chose to put himself in harms way, in order to fight for someone else who he knew couldn't do it alone. 

This black duck may not have been able to stop the others from taking his friends eyes, or inflicting wounds that would probably never completely heal... But he gave him hope. While this white duck lived in complete darkness and fear, the black duck taught him to keep his beak up against his wing so he always knew where he was walking, he made sure his friend got pieces of bread that he otherwise would not of got. He made clucking noises at his blinded friend in order to let him know different things, and he helped as his friend struggled to get in the water like all the others. This gorgeous black duck with the blue wings gave his friend light when there was none, he gave him hope when it all seemed lost, he gave him a chance when there wasn't one, he gave him a friend when there was none, he gave him a life even when it might have seemed bleak... 

My heart broke having to leave them there. But they also helped to teach me a lesson I won't soon forget. 

In this life we are faced with so many choices. The choice to do good or bad. To do what is popular, or what is needed. That black duck went up against all odds, he went against the crowd and fought hard for what he knew he had to do, even when it meant great sacrifice for himself. And though I know none of it could have been easy, it was obviously worth it.

Sometimes the right and kind thing to do isn't the easy, fun or popular choice... But none of those things matter in the end. 

I know I would so much rather be that little black duck, being the only thing standing between a helpless victim and an angry mob, than be part of that mob inflicting so much pain. Doing the socially accepted thing or the popular thing does not mean you are doing the right thing. 

I strive for kindness, helpfulness, and love each and every day. I know a lot of things I choose aren't necessarily the popular thing, and often I get ridiculed for that. But I refuse to stand down when I know the right thing must be done.

So... What side are you on?

Why no organized religion really exists.

Basically my whole inspiration for this particular post stems from one of my most recent status updates on Facebook. Really, it created quite an uproar. I started receiving a wide amount of messages right after I posted it, all ranging from agreeing with me, appreciating saying something when they didn't have the courage to, curiosity, debate, and of course the very famous doing exactly what I had just asked everyone NOT to do. 

If you don't already know.. This status consisted of me asking everyone to basically leave me alone in their never ending quest to convert me back to Mormonism.. It is something I have no interest in doing ever again, and I really would appreciate it if people would stop. I never expected it to cause such a wide variety of emotions, and uprisings. 

But one thing one person in particular said (and of course I will not be disclosing any of their personal information) really struck me. For purposes of this particular post I will be referring to them as "Bob" from here on out.... Bob said and I quote, "Maybe you were just taught wrong".

I will be completely frank... That instantly struck me as one of the most idiotic and ignorant things a person has ever said to me. I honestly do not mean to be rude when I say that, even though it definitely comes across that way. I simply mean that in just those few words that Bob said, all I could picture was a stubborn child, plugging his ears and closing his eyes, and screaming "LA LA LA LA" in order to not hear his mother tell him something he obviously didn't want to hear. And in a way I was dumbfounded...

Not necessarily dumbfounded by Bob in particular... But by the fact that he so obviously didn't want to hear what I had to say, even when he asked to hear it... And by the fact that I have heard basically the exact same thing come out of the mouths of fully grown adults who have heard exactly what they don't want to hear... It comes from them when someone does something differently than they do, or when they teach differently... And most importantly it comes when they feel defeated, but do not want to admit it. It is a stubborn and ignorant statement. And the equivalent to when a child closes his eyes and plugs his ears.

And this is why there is no such thing as any true blue organized religion on this Earth. And it is because everyone does the same thing Bob did. They throw their hands in the air and say "you must have been taught wrong" when they hear something they don't agree with. But here is the thing.. The real kicker... There is no possible way that two people in the exact same religion could ever be "taught wrong". Each person is taught the exact same doctrine. There is a set curriculum in Sunday school, people get the same lessons, read the same books. It is the SAME. The thing that differs is the people.. And that is where everything goes astray. 

You could ask two people to read the exact same verse in, say, the Doctrine and Covenants, and they would get two totally different things from it. Some would use the excuse that you are meant to get many different things from each verse, and for arguments sake, lets say that is true.. Those two people still wouldn't see the exact same things on the same topic. Why? Because they are tailoring it to themselves. They are tailoring things to THEIR needs, to what makes THEM comfortable, what makes THEM happy. 

And then guess what.. BAM everyone has created their own little religion inside a bigger one. So people call themselves Mormon, or Baptist, or Catholic, or whatever.. When they aren't. No one belongs to the religion they think they do. They belong to what they have created in their minds.. 

Because guess what? Everyone has their own reality. Everyone has their own story. And no one will ever be the same or think the same.. Not even close.

Organized religion does not exist. It never has. 

There is only beautiful chaos.