You and your spouse should fight..

Every week since the day Kevin and I got married, a very intelligent lawyer where I work would ask me teasingly "are you still married!?" and every time I'd answer with a quick, heartfelt and enthusiastic "yes, sir!". I never really thought much of it, because if you know this man, then know know he's kind of a jokester. Always teasing and pushing peoples buttons. So, naturally, I only ever thought of it as a simple teasing question, just like when he'd tease me because I'd sometimes be in that office at unusual hours or days and he'd say "you're throwing my whole internal clock off Madi!".. 

But yesterday something very different happened.. Something that totally threw me off my game. Instead of him asking "are you still married!?" he asked "are you two arguing lots!?". I was totally thrown. And I was even more thrown by the fact that he was being completely serious, without a hint or trace of the usual playful gleam in his eye. I just kind of sat there, sputtering and looking at him, not completely sure what to say. Finally I managed to say "Umm, yeah we've argued some. But it isn't like it's all the time or anything!" he responded with a quick "Oh I'm so glad you can admit that!" and with a full, and genuine smile plastered on his face, he walked away. 

This little encounter with the man I've grown to refer to as my "work father figure" really had me bugged. For the next couple hours I just sat there brewing up all sorts of scenarios.. Did he some how think my marriage was falling apart after only 2 months? Did he think Kevin and I weren't well suited for each other? Or just a couple of bickering idiots? And how did he think he had the right to judge us as a couple so quickly!? Obviously none of these thoughts or feelings were doing any good for me. I was simply getting myself completely upset over what I was assuming this man might think.. And we all know what assuming does.. "Makes an ass out of you and me"

Then later he came back to my desk and said something like this "So many people today think the key to a healthy marriage, or relationship, is to never argue or have differences. They think it's impressive to quickly tell everyone they never fight with their significant other. When really, burying your differences can more often be the worse thing. All I really hear when someone tells me "Oh I never argue with my spouse!" is "I'm totally afraid to open up to them because I fear what they will think of me or what they will say.. And I don't want it to get ugly". Not fighting isn't a strength, it isn't an asset. It is often the first sign of a weakened marriage. And the feeling of needing to hide the fact that you sometimes argue isn't much better either. You are two completely different people, who will always see the world completely differently. It's nothing short of ridiculous to expect to always get along seamlessly. Arguing isn't a sign of an unhealthy marriage. In fact, the opposite is true. If a day ever comes when you feel you can no longer completely honestly be yourself around your spouse and express your feelings, thoughts, concerns, and differences with your husband because you fear what he will think, or how he will react, or that maybe it'll make your marriage crumble.. THAT is when you should be concerned. The happiest marriages I have seen are the ones that openly and willingly (if not happily) admit they are flawed, but can still honestly say they continue to love each other more and more every day. Don't be ashamed of any argument you've ever had. They are gifts. Knowledge that no matter what, you two continue to come out stronger. Now with all that said, I don't think you should have knock down drag out fights. You shouldn't scream or yell. Because the key will always be to continue to be kind and empathetic towards one and other. Always try to put yourself in his shoes and see his side, even if you don't agree with it. And always make sure he is doing the same for you. Some fights will end in an agreeable conclusion, others will never really be solved.. And that's okay. It's all okay. The first year will be the toughest, you're still testing the waters and boundaries. Learning how the other really ticks. But don't hide from it or run from it. Embrace it. You could learn so much about the world through him, and he through you.". Then he smiled and walked away again.

Honestly.. I don't think this amazing advice could have come to me at a better time. Now before you go assuming the worst about my marriage.. No, Kevin and I do not fight like cats and dogs, and yes I am still madly head over heels in love. Marrying him was the best decision I have made. But yes.. We have had our share of arguments. And yes, I have been embarrassed to admit that. And yes, I have sometimes wondered if something is wrong in our marriage..

In today's society we are so quick to cover up any flaws in our lives. So quick to just graze over those bumps in the road like they never happened. So quick to put on the perfect face, the perfect smiles, claiming that absolutely nothing is ever wrong or tense. No one wants to be the first to admit that things aren't really always perfect. Sometimes it's hard. No one ever comes up to you to say "don't worry.. you're normal.. Life is messy" instead they come up and tell you all about their perfect day, with their perfect marriage, and how seamlessly life is going for them.. And with the continuously growing social media platform this facade is getting worse and worse. People only post pictures of the best side of themselves. When their make up is all perfect and their families are in a good mood.. They only post status's about promotions at work, or their huge fantastic vacations.. No one ever posts about the behind the scenes.. Like when their kids are covered in dirt and tracking it through the house, or they got fired from their job, or they are having an argument with their significant other, or how they may have just lost their dream house. No one admits that it's okay to be human.. 

And it felt so good to hear someone genuinely tell me that it's all okay. It was amazing to know I'm normal and that my not so perfect, messy, scattered, "still working on it" life is okay.. 

The advice this man gave me can be so good for so many aspects of life. It isn't healthy to cover it all up.. Be ashamed and hide it. We all fall down. We all disagree with others.. And we are all just trying our very best with what we have. Being in competition to always be better than our neighbor just makes it all that much worse. Living in this fast paced ever changing world isn't easy, and it's so nice to just let go sometimes. 

My name is Madison, I am newly married to the love of my life, and yes I argue with him. I do not have my dream job, but I am working towards it daily. Every day presents a new challenge, and sometimes I really just don't want to get out of bed. I don't always look put together with all my make up and my cutest clothes on. I cry, I get angry, I get grumpy, and sometimes I take it out on others. I don't have my dream house, or lots of money.. I am flawed. I am human. And it's OKAY.. 

#JUSTICEFORBURBERRY

As many of you know, I am a HUGE advocate and mouth piece for ending the discrimination against Pit-bull's. I am also just an all around ENORMOUS animal lover (especially when it comes to dogs).. So when I hear a story like Burberry's, I jump in wholeheartedly to try and do what I can. 

I also want to scream in massive frustration over the fact that injustice's and tragedies like this are still out there happening. There are probably countless other stories like Burberry's that have passed by without us even noticing. The world is, after all, a cruel place.. We may not be able to change or stop it all, but we can definitely have an impact for the better.

Burberry was a service dog from California. He had a more than loving owner and loved working with special needs kids. All you have to do is look up pictures of Burberry on Google to know he was nothing but a sweet soul, with an absolute love for life, and his owner. But Burberry's awesome life was ended too quickly when a police officer on a call wrongfully shot this amazing dog. 

When the police arrived at Burberry's house around 5:30 AM Burberry did what any dog would do: try to protect his house, and his people. So, naturally he barked at what he saw as "intruders". Burberry then ran out of the house continually barking at the officer's. One of the men stooped down the pet sweet Burberry, and Burberry proceeded to calm down about the situation. While one officer did not react so kindly.. And when Burberry didn't respond exactly how the officer wanted (because a dog is a dog, not a human, you cannot expect them to understand the same way we do)the man proceeded to shoot Burberry in the head.. Quickly ending the dogs life. 

The mourning owner spent 2 or so hours hugging Burberry's body out on the drive way of his house.

So far the police department has not issued an apology for this tragedy they have caused. And they still refuse to go to training on how to deal with dogs on calls in order to lessen the amount of times a dog needs to be shot. 

Please look into joining this justice for Burberry movement. On any social media you post to about this just use #justiceforburberry.. And go sign the petition that is linked in this article: http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2015/mar/19/sdpd-shoots-dog-justice-for-burberry/

Pit-Bulls should no longer be discriminated against this way simply because of how they look. And no dog should have to be shot simply because they are confused and scared. My heart truly goes out to Burberry's owner.. I ache for him. I cannot imagine how devastating this massive loss is. A dog is truly a man's best friend.. And pits are among some of the best dogs out there. 

Judge the deed! Not the Breed! 

#justiceforburberry