Throughout the past few years I have had so many people look at me, and not believe me when I tell them I am content. They don't believe me when I say I have forgiven both myself and others for things that occurred in my past. They just simply don't believe that I have totally moved on, totally content with where my life is going. And so many people have been just totally determined that they were going to convince me that they were right about how I should feel and that I wasn't.
A few people at certain points even had me totally convince that, yeah, they were right. Why wasn't I still mad at that person? I had every right to be! They totally threw me under the bus, ran me over, then backed up over me just for good measure, just to make sure I was no longer breathing... So why shouldn't I have done the same to them? Why aren't those horrid feelings there!? Why didn't I feel anymore guilt and sadness? Why? Why? Why weren't these people right about how I felt?
But no matter how much people badgered me.. No matter how many times people confused me about my feelings on so many situations... Even when I wanted others to be right, when I had convinced myself that I should be mad... I just couldn't ever really feel all of those rotten things. Not really.. Because they weren't ever really there. And oddly enough, I was totally okay with that.
There are very very few people in this world that know my whole story. People know bits and pieces. But they don't know it all. Those who do know everything were those who were literally there, and that adds up to maybe about four or five people. And those are the only people out there that never ever tried to convince me that I should be angry... Even though they were the ones who literally saw all of my cause to be mad... I think maybe they were just in the exact same boat I was in. We definitely had that in common.
I think once you've been through Hell.. Or even just witnessed those going through it... You'll realize that the absolute last thing you want to do is carry even the littlest bit of it with you. And when you are holding on to anger, or sadness, you are carrying Hell out with you. Those flames continue to engulf you and pull you down even after you thought you were standing up and walking again.
Funny how once you've danced with the devil, that's when you wake up and really see... That's when you open up your eyes and just simply let go.
I think finally people are starting to see me as I really am. I carry no anger. I carry no hatred. None of that. But I'm not going to say that all I carry is absolute love and never ending peace either... While I do try to always carry those things with me at all times, I am only human and I slip sometimes.. No... The thing I carry with me always is strength. And that strength came from surviving Hell. That strength came from absolute forgiveness.
I am so far from perfect and I never expect to become perfect, simply because that isn't possible for any human being, and I totally recognize that. I don't have all the answers and I never will. But I can definitely say that happiness, love, kindness, acceptance.. All of that... Can never come from anyone else. It can only ever come from you. And if you are clinging to all of the bad things in life, or all of the bad things that once over came you in the past... There is no way you will reach the good.
Why?
Because in those moments when you cling to your grudge, you are looking to someone else to fix your problem. You are looking to them to tell you how sorry they are, or how much they love you, or that they would take the hurt away if they could.. But what if they did? What if they gave you exactly what you've been telling yourself you needed them to do? Would your hurt and pain or your sadness just instantly be lifted? The answer is no, no you wouldn't. Because just because someone wronged you in the past, just because they cause you pain in that one moment, that doesn't mean they are responsible for everything you are carrying now. That is all you. And you are the only one who can fix it.
The same goes for if you are every the one who hurts someone else. You cannot turn to the person you wronged to take away the guilt you are filled with. Especially if you have done all you can do to remedy the situation. It is not up to them. It never was. They may never give you the forgiveness you crave... And even if they did, the ultimate forgiveness always comes from within.
Everything comes from inside you. All of your hurt, all of your happiness... Everything. No matter how much we would like to shove everything on to someone else. No matter how much we would just love to give someone else all of the blame... It isn't their fault, and it never, ever was.
The key to a blissful life is learning how to stand in the middle of a storm, yet never letting any of it touch you, and never internalizing any of it.
You can walk down the streets tomorrow feeling totally content. You can totally forgive yourself tomorrow even if someone else hasn't. You can totally move on tomorrow even if they haven't. You can totally love yourself tomorrow even if they don't. You just have to stop looking at them, and simply look at yourself.
Because in order to have someone absolutely love the Hell out of you... You must first love the Hell out of yourself.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Why I am not a fan of organized religion.. The accepted insanity.
Let me just start off by saying no this is not one of those witty blog posts, where the title says one thing, then the content of the post ends up meaning something totally different. No. The title means exactly what it says, and the content of this post will be sticking to just that. So I can pretty much guarantee that any person belonging to a specific religion may not care for this post. Unless of course you are one of the open minded few that belong to a religion. Now I say that you probably will not like this post.. But I also want to point out that I in no way intend to disrespect anyone, or bash anyone's belief system in anyway. If you have been a dedicated reader of mine you will know that I am a very strong believer in people living their life in ways that they see fit, and also finding (or not finding) God in whatever way they see fit. Each person is a completely unique individual, and no one person should ever be expected to mold themselves into something they are not.
Now lets get down to the business I intended to write about in this particular post. I, myself, am not a particular fan of any organized religion, or any religion which sends people out door to door trying to convert others to their religion. And yes I do know what I am talking about when I say this. I belonged to the Mormon church for the better part of my life, I have friends that are strong believers of the Catholic religion, I have spoken with Jehovah's Witnesses, I have read about Muslim's, I have read about many forms of Christianity, every Atheist I know was once a strong believer of a religion, I have seriously looked into Buddhism simply because Buddha is one of my idols ... I could probably keep going... While I may not be a complete expert on every religion, and I do not claim to be.. But I do know enough to know what I am talking about when I say the things I say.
Religion has always fascinated me. Not just my own religion when I was LDS... Every single religion out there. I always wondered why people would do the things they would do for their religion or "in the name of God". I always wondered how different groups would come up with a different concept of God, and different ways to worship him. I guess when it comes down to it, the human mind, and the human condition, both fascinate me... And religion just so happens to be something that seems to be so very huge in a persons life in some form or another. Whether it is hating a religion, studying religions, or belonging to one. There are very few people out there that are completely neutral when it comes to religious beliefs. And that has always fascinated me.
I am forever looking into new religions... Continuing research on ones that I already know about... Asking people questions about their religion. I just want to know more, because i want to know what makes people tick, what captures people to believe so strongly that they claim to know without any doubt in their mind that their religion is true and that everyone who believes differently is just simply wrong..
I would like to point out before I keep going that this is in no way an invitation for anyone to come at me with their beliefs. I am not asking to be "converted" to anyone's religion. I know what I believe, I know where I stand. You yourself are reading this post completely by choice, I am not asking you to join in my beliefs, or to renounce your religion. So I would ask that you do not pressure me, as I do not intend to pressure you in anyway.
I will continue by saying I am a proud Ex-Mormon. I belonged to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints up until I was about 17 years old. Even though I knew I didn't want to be an active member about when I was 12. Why did I leave? Well that is another story for another day. You may come to me personally if you have any questions, but this particular post is not meant to focus on any one religion alone. I only say that I am an Ex-Mormon simply to inform you that I have once been on the other end of things. I have been involved in organized religion.
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So why have I decided throughout time that I don't care for any form of organized religion? Well.. It basically boils down to a few things that they all have in common.
1. If you were to sit down with two people that belonged to the exact same religion, two true believers, and you were to ask them the exact same question, they would both give you a totally different answer. Why? Because religion is completely man made. It is based off of a mans idea of God. And each person, being the individuals we are, will resonate with everything differently. Therefore each person will interpret every piece of doctrine differently. Each person will interpret it in the way that they are comfortable, in the way that makes them feel good. So if each person in one religion sees things differently from the others, how is it really organized? It isn't. In a way it is just a bunch of mini religions all coexisting inside of the base of a different religion.
2. Why should anyone be expected to conform to one mans idea of God? Every religion out there has a leader. Someone that is there to tell them what to do, what to say, what they can and cannot eat, what is wrong, and what is right, how to pray, what religious book contains the truth, and so on. All of us have been put on this Earth without having all the answers. We just do what we can with what we are given. Each of us learns differently, we all have different strengths and weaknesses, we all find answers in different things. So why should anyone have to follow so blindly with anything? No real freedom to explore, no real freedom to ask questions? Why should anyone have to follow one person with so much fear to step out of bounds. You're supposed to have free agency right? So use it. To be following blindly, is to be in a cult.
3. Fear. I have not heard of one religion that hasn't used fear in some way. Whether it is saying that if you leave you will be damned to Hell, or if you leave you will become a slug in your next life, or if you break this doctrine you will be exed... The list goes on and on.. Why are religions using fear if they are supposed to be a positive thing? Why are people being kicked out when they make one mistake? Why are people basically being told that they are supposed to be perfect all while they are also taught that perfection isn't to be achieved in this life? It's a mind game. And mind games are never healthy. They are never right. You are not an experiment, so why are you allowing people to treat you like one?
4. The false kindness. When you belong to a religion, you are supposedly friends with all of the members. Supposedly everyone loves you and embraces you in their lives. But the minute someone finds out you either left their religion, or you never belonged, you are suddenly the scum of the Earth. Why should you have to associate yourself with people who never really cared anyway?
5. The constant change in doctrine. The world is forever changing. What is and isn't exceptable is always going to be different. Laws are always changing. Fashion is always changing. So religion molds right along with the world.. Religion is not constant. Yet basically every religion out there claims to be "the one true church"... If it is the one true church why did it have to change? If it was perfect, the church would not have to change with the world. If the world is so imperfect why is your church molding to fit in with all of the imperfections? If it is the complete and total truth there would be no need to try and fit in. There would be no need to be changing doctrine that was once preached to be the absolute truth. Something to think about..
6. The dark truths. People join a religion because of the happy fluff it teaches. They join because they are promised that they will stay with their family forever, or because they will go straight to heaven, or because they are promised to be given all sorts of blessings.. Who wouldn't want to join that!? It's good and happy and it is meant to take away all of your fear, worries, and doubts. But what people don't look at is their churches past.. They don't ask the questions they are told not ask... They don't look at the deleted doctrine... They don't look at the stories of ex members... They don't look at any of that. Because no one wants to know the truth once they are in. No one wants something bad to be touching what they once thought was so pure. Why aren't you supposed to ask those questions? Why do those missionaries not seem to have an answer for that? What is being hidden in the shadows?
7. The crazy things people will do for their church, and the invasion of privacy. People always say that terrorists are insane fanatics. While I am not trying to say they aren't... I would like to point out that basically all terrorists are just following what the leaders of their religion are telling them to do. They believe with their entire heart and soul that they are doing the right thing. They believe that they will be amazingly blessed. They believe that those they kill are evil and contaminating the world... Now that I have pointed that out I would like to tell you that your religion, along with every other religion out there is doing the exact same thing. It may not be in such an obvious or extreme way but it is happening. Each person that is being asked to go on a mission of any kind is being a kind of fanatic. They are willing to spend practically an endless amount of money, give up a huge chunk of their life, just to go pounding on doors hoping someone will listen. If you lose your life in that time "it was for God". People that pay an sort of tithing are told that it is for God and their perfect religion. If you are told you can't eat or drink something it is because "God deemed it wrong or impure"... The list goes on. Everyone out there has done, or is doing, something crazy for their religion. Something that should not be asked of them, because it is not up to them. And a lot of times in doing this they are completely and inappropriately invading someone else's life. What gives you the right to go constantly knocking on someone's door to tell them that they are living their life wrong, that their religion is wrong, and that they need to start blindly following you? You wouldn't like it if someone just ran right up to you, basically started telling you that you were stupid, that everything you've always believed is wrong and so on.. News flash people. If someone wants to join your religion, they will on their own, if someone has questions they'll ask on their own. You don't have to so deeply invade someone's life and so often tear a family unit apart. That isn't the way to do it. But people do.. Because in the end we are all fanatics. Just like every terrorist out there.
I could probably keep going. But I won't. I think I have gotten my main points out there. In the end you can tell that I just don't agree with it. But if a specific religion resonates with you, if saying you belong to a religion brings you peace, I have no right to try and take that from you. I personally just do not believe that is the way to go, for all of the reasons above and so many more.. Even when I belonged to a religion, I didn't really... Because the whole time I was forming my own religion and my own beliefs.
At this point in my life I am so much happier than I was. I have a strong and deeply personal connection with God that I never had before. My beliefs and connection do not depend upon what anyone tells me to think or do. My doctrine is not confined to one book. I am completely free to worship how I may with no one judging me. And to me that is so much healthier than any organized religion. I am free. And I could not be happier. I have no plans to ever go back to any form of religion. Why would I now that I have a taste of how much better off I can be. God has saved me, and it didn't take belonging to the LDS church, or the Catholic church... It actually took leaving and looking outside the box. It took being brave enough to do what no one else dared to do. It took allowing myself to just be me.
Why did I write this post? Well because I watch everyone else out there freely talk about what the believe and how they believe it. It seems to be taught that it is okay to talk about your personal religious beliefs as long as you belong to a specific religion, even if you may be seriously offending everyone while you do it. But it is frowned upon for anyone outside of religion to talk about anything they believe. Well I decided that was complete bull. If everyone else can openly talk about their thoughts and beliefs, why can't I? That's a good question... I know.
Now lets get down to the business I intended to write about in this particular post. I, myself, am not a particular fan of any organized religion, or any religion which sends people out door to door trying to convert others to their religion. And yes I do know what I am talking about when I say this. I belonged to the Mormon church for the better part of my life, I have friends that are strong believers of the Catholic religion, I have spoken with Jehovah's Witnesses, I have read about Muslim's, I have read about many forms of Christianity, every Atheist I know was once a strong believer of a religion, I have seriously looked into Buddhism simply because Buddha is one of my idols ... I could probably keep going... While I may not be a complete expert on every religion, and I do not claim to be.. But I do know enough to know what I am talking about when I say the things I say.
Religion has always fascinated me. Not just my own religion when I was LDS... Every single religion out there. I always wondered why people would do the things they would do for their religion or "in the name of God". I always wondered how different groups would come up with a different concept of God, and different ways to worship him. I guess when it comes down to it, the human mind, and the human condition, both fascinate me... And religion just so happens to be something that seems to be so very huge in a persons life in some form or another. Whether it is hating a religion, studying religions, or belonging to one. There are very few people out there that are completely neutral when it comes to religious beliefs. And that has always fascinated me.
I am forever looking into new religions... Continuing research on ones that I already know about... Asking people questions about their religion. I just want to know more, because i want to know what makes people tick, what captures people to believe so strongly that they claim to know without any doubt in their mind that their religion is true and that everyone who believes differently is just simply wrong..
I would like to point out before I keep going that this is in no way an invitation for anyone to come at me with their beliefs. I am not asking to be "converted" to anyone's religion. I know what I believe, I know where I stand. You yourself are reading this post completely by choice, I am not asking you to join in my beliefs, or to renounce your religion. So I would ask that you do not pressure me, as I do not intend to pressure you in anyway.
I will continue by saying I am a proud Ex-Mormon. I belonged to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints up until I was about 17 years old. Even though I knew I didn't want to be an active member about when I was 12. Why did I leave? Well that is another story for another day. You may come to me personally if you have any questions, but this particular post is not meant to focus on any one religion alone. I only say that I am an Ex-Mormon simply to inform you that I have once been on the other end of things. I have been involved in organized religion.
So why have I decided throughout time that I don't care for any form of organized religion? Well.. It basically boils down to a few things that they all have in common.
1. If you were to sit down with two people that belonged to the exact same religion, two true believers, and you were to ask them the exact same question, they would both give you a totally different answer. Why? Because religion is completely man made. It is based off of a mans idea of God. And each person, being the individuals we are, will resonate with everything differently. Therefore each person will interpret every piece of doctrine differently. Each person will interpret it in the way that they are comfortable, in the way that makes them feel good. So if each person in one religion sees things differently from the others, how is it really organized? It isn't. In a way it is just a bunch of mini religions all coexisting inside of the base of a different religion.
2. Why should anyone be expected to conform to one mans idea of God? Every religion out there has a leader. Someone that is there to tell them what to do, what to say, what they can and cannot eat, what is wrong, and what is right, how to pray, what religious book contains the truth, and so on. All of us have been put on this Earth without having all the answers. We just do what we can with what we are given. Each of us learns differently, we all have different strengths and weaknesses, we all find answers in different things. So why should anyone have to follow so blindly with anything? No real freedom to explore, no real freedom to ask questions? Why should anyone have to follow one person with so much fear to step out of bounds. You're supposed to have free agency right? So use it. To be following blindly, is to be in a cult.
3. Fear. I have not heard of one religion that hasn't used fear in some way. Whether it is saying that if you leave you will be damned to Hell, or if you leave you will become a slug in your next life, or if you break this doctrine you will be exed... The list goes on and on.. Why are religions using fear if they are supposed to be a positive thing? Why are people being kicked out when they make one mistake? Why are people basically being told that they are supposed to be perfect all while they are also taught that perfection isn't to be achieved in this life? It's a mind game. And mind games are never healthy. They are never right. You are not an experiment, so why are you allowing people to treat you like one?
4. The false kindness. When you belong to a religion, you are supposedly friends with all of the members. Supposedly everyone loves you and embraces you in their lives. But the minute someone finds out you either left their religion, or you never belonged, you are suddenly the scum of the Earth. Why should you have to associate yourself with people who never really cared anyway?
5. The constant change in doctrine. The world is forever changing. What is and isn't exceptable is always going to be different. Laws are always changing. Fashion is always changing. So religion molds right along with the world.. Religion is not constant. Yet basically every religion out there claims to be "the one true church"... If it is the one true church why did it have to change? If it was perfect, the church would not have to change with the world. If the world is so imperfect why is your church molding to fit in with all of the imperfections? If it is the complete and total truth there would be no need to try and fit in. There would be no need to be changing doctrine that was once preached to be the absolute truth. Something to think about..
6. The dark truths. People join a religion because of the happy fluff it teaches. They join because they are promised that they will stay with their family forever, or because they will go straight to heaven, or because they are promised to be given all sorts of blessings.. Who wouldn't want to join that!? It's good and happy and it is meant to take away all of your fear, worries, and doubts. But what people don't look at is their churches past.. They don't ask the questions they are told not ask... They don't look at the deleted doctrine... They don't look at the stories of ex members... They don't look at any of that. Because no one wants to know the truth once they are in. No one wants something bad to be touching what they once thought was so pure. Why aren't you supposed to ask those questions? Why do those missionaries not seem to have an answer for that? What is being hidden in the shadows?
7. The crazy things people will do for their church, and the invasion of privacy. People always say that terrorists are insane fanatics. While I am not trying to say they aren't... I would like to point out that basically all terrorists are just following what the leaders of their religion are telling them to do. They believe with their entire heart and soul that they are doing the right thing. They believe that they will be amazingly blessed. They believe that those they kill are evil and contaminating the world... Now that I have pointed that out I would like to tell you that your religion, along with every other religion out there is doing the exact same thing. It may not be in such an obvious or extreme way but it is happening. Each person that is being asked to go on a mission of any kind is being a kind of fanatic. They are willing to spend practically an endless amount of money, give up a huge chunk of their life, just to go pounding on doors hoping someone will listen. If you lose your life in that time "it was for God". People that pay an sort of tithing are told that it is for God and their perfect religion. If you are told you can't eat or drink something it is because "God deemed it wrong or impure"... The list goes on. Everyone out there has done, or is doing, something crazy for their religion. Something that should not be asked of them, because it is not up to them. And a lot of times in doing this they are completely and inappropriately invading someone else's life. What gives you the right to go constantly knocking on someone's door to tell them that they are living their life wrong, that their religion is wrong, and that they need to start blindly following you? You wouldn't like it if someone just ran right up to you, basically started telling you that you were stupid, that everything you've always believed is wrong and so on.. News flash people. If someone wants to join your religion, they will on their own, if someone has questions they'll ask on their own. You don't have to so deeply invade someone's life and so often tear a family unit apart. That isn't the way to do it. But people do.. Because in the end we are all fanatics. Just like every terrorist out there.
I could probably keep going. But I won't. I think I have gotten my main points out there. In the end you can tell that I just don't agree with it. But if a specific religion resonates with you, if saying you belong to a religion brings you peace, I have no right to try and take that from you. I personally just do not believe that is the way to go, for all of the reasons above and so many more.. Even when I belonged to a religion, I didn't really... Because the whole time I was forming my own religion and my own beliefs.
At this point in my life I am so much happier than I was. I have a strong and deeply personal connection with God that I never had before. My beliefs and connection do not depend upon what anyone tells me to think or do. My doctrine is not confined to one book. I am completely free to worship how I may with no one judging me. And to me that is so much healthier than any organized religion. I am free. And I could not be happier. I have no plans to ever go back to any form of religion. Why would I now that I have a taste of how much better off I can be. God has saved me, and it didn't take belonging to the LDS church, or the Catholic church... It actually took leaving and looking outside the box. It took being brave enough to do what no one else dared to do. It took allowing myself to just be me.
Why did I write this post? Well because I watch everyone else out there freely talk about what the believe and how they believe it. It seems to be taught that it is okay to talk about your personal religious beliefs as long as you belong to a specific religion, even if you may be seriously offending everyone while you do it. But it is frowned upon for anyone outside of religion to talk about anything they believe. Well I decided that was complete bull. If everyone else can openly talk about their thoughts and beliefs, why can't I? That's a good question... I know.
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