Life is.. Well, Life..

Honestly, I have gone through a period in my life where all I could think was "Why me?". Everything always seemed to be going wrong. People would leave me, or let me down. I was always letting myself down. Goals seemed so far out of reach. I gave up on dreams. Anxiety was always filling my thoughts and actions, completely overwhelming me. No words were ever inspiring. Things I had once enjoyed seemed mundane. I felt like I was being slapped in the face over and over again. I never wanted to get out of bed. 

That light at the end of the tunnel.. Yeah well.. That didn't exist for me. 

People would tell me things like "turn to God" or "you just need to get up and try. Time heals and It'll get better."... Well little did they know that it just isn't that easy once you've gone down the road I was going down. You can't just flip a switch and be fine. Those answers that people give like "pray about it" gave me nothing. 

I was spiraling out of control...

Basically since my childhood I have felt like I needed to grow up extremely fast, and so that's what I did. Things were never easy at home. And once I hit fifth grade, school stopped having any kind of appeal as well. I was pretty much always that awkward girl that everyone made fun of. And even when I was just a pre-teen I felt like I really needed to carry a lot of my families issues on my shoulders. Then when it came time to date all I did was get myself into abusive relationship after abusive relationship.. If it wasn't physically abusive, it was emotionally. I just didn't know what I was doing.. I had never been taught what love was supposed to look like, or how to have enough self respect to know that I deserved far better. But hey.. I was always taught that hiding your emotions, and burying things so that no one could see was always the way to fix my problems. 

I was really okay for the most part. Or at least so I thought until I was finally out of High School and forced to really look at life and think about it. I had too much time to just be in my head with my relentless thoughts, along with the never ending darkness that hovered above my home and my family.

The small light I had was being completely doused.. But I kept pushing forward. Determined to be okay or at least seem like I was okay. I continued to carry so much on my shoulders. I continued to do everything in my power to protect my little sister from the same torment I was feeling every day. I continued to tell everyone I was fine... I continued to lie to myself.

I was caught in a relentless storm. And that is when the darkness really hit.

My story, my background, has never been very pretty. Basically no one knows about everything, except of course, for those who were there. But I was never completely aware of how much I was enduring, how much I was allowing myself to endure, even when I probably didn't need to.

Trust me when I say that I have been down the darkest road a person can go down. At least mentally and emotionally..

But now.. I can safely and completely truthfully say that I am not longer there.

I learned that well... Life.. Life is just life. 

The universe is never out to get you. People may do harmful things to you, but really, everything after that one specific moment of harm, the place any remaining pain is coming from is yourself. You may have a bad day, but one day does not make a bad life...

Basically all hurt and pain we experience really comes from ourselves.. Our mind sets. It comes from nothing else, and no one else. 

Even when someone does something to hurt you, you DO NOT have to take it to heart. You do not have to have an issue with anything that anyone else does or says. It is not your problem, whether it is directed at you or not. You cannot control anyone else, you can only control you.. So focus on that.

Forgiveness really is the best weapon. The last thing a person trying to hurt you wants to see, is a genuine smile plastered on your face. If someone is aiming to hurt you, do not give them the satisfaction. 

You cannot blame anyone else for your problems. Because the only one holding onto it is you. If your parent didn't teach you how to add 2 and 2, you cannot blame them for you not knowing the answer. That is not their problem. The only reason the problem still exists is because you didn't do anything to fix the issue. 

In the end, everyone is dealing with their own problems. Everyone is experiencing hurt and pain of every kind, everyday. And those people who hold onto the past are the ones that are often hurting the most.

Whenever a storm is raging around you, remember that you never have to internalize it. A storm can be raging, and you can stand in the middle of it without it ever touching you. She's yelling? Cool. That's her issue. He dumped you? Cool. That's his problem because another man is going to find you and treat you better than he ever did.

Life is life guys.. It's never perfect. It's messy. Trust me.. I have learned these things the hard way. Once you learn to just accept.. It becomes so much easier. 

And always remember.. The past is the past. Every second that ticks by is already the past. In fact this is in the past already..

So let go. And breathe.

Perceptions

Really, there is no right and there is no wrong. Not when you really look at things. There are only perceptions and opinions of each perception.

Think about it, and think about it critically. Here's an example: Imagine there is a doctor out there some where, at some hospital, and he has been working with a patient that has some form of cancer. Finally he is able to cure the patient and kill the cancer that has been living inside them. I think most everyone would say that the doctor was a hero, and that he did a good thing by killing the cancer. We as a society can agree that cancer is a bad thing that none of us want to face. So that was a good thing that he killed it right? Well you could just as easily say that the doctor was bad and wrong, because he killed the cancer. Though we may look at cancer as a bad thing, really it is just a living thing, trying to survive. So it was still a murder of a living thing. 

I am not in any way trying to justify cancer, or say it isn't as bad as we make it out to be. I agree with the large population when they say that that cancer is a thing that should not exist. I am just trying to make you think critically.. I am just trying to say that everything is all about perception, and point of view. So stay with me here. 

Here is another example of sorts: Cancer really is just good cells gone bad. Or some would say too many good cells trying to grow and multiply too much to the point where they become bad, because really, when you look at it, too much of any good thing can always be bad. But there are also other cells in our bodies that grow quickly too, such as hair. In cancer treatments a person will lose their hair, along with the unwanted cancer cells. So does that make hair a bad thing too? Most people would say no, in fact I think all people would say no. Just like everyone would say cancer is bad. But the hair cells are being killed too, because really when it comes down to it cancer, and hair are both the same thing. Quickly growing cells. 

Point of view my friends. It's all in the point of view.

That's why there is no right or wrong. No good or bad. Just perceptions, and this invisible code of those things that we as the human species have made.

A completely different example could be terrorists. Once again, I think we can all agree they are bad, and doing horrible and destructive things. But in their heads they are not, all they are doing is serving their country, and often times their religion. They are doing something good, according to themselves and their culture. It's the same thing with anyone that participates in say, a shooting at a school. It is always justified in the persons head. They view it as good in some way. You may not be able to understand it, but in the end that doesn't matter, because they do. In their heads, they are doing good.

You may say God does exist, and that you are right, and that believing in God and whatever else your specific religion teaches is the right thing to do. But someone else will always be there to say that you are wrong, for x amount of reasons, and like you are correct in your head, they will always be correct in their own head. 

There will always be perceptions, and an invisible line of right and wrong. Even though in the end there really is no such thing... It is all just something we have established over time to hopefully create some kind of order. We as human beings are just programmed that way, we can't help ourselves. We need a sense of community, and we need a sense of structure in order to stay sane.

And that is okay.. I am not saying there is anything wrong with it. Basically all I am trying to say is that maybe we just take it all a bit too far. We start thinking no one else is right, and that we are the only person with the answers. Our minds become closed, and we build prejudices and create hate. We form opinions that we start to try and teach as fact.. And in those things, that is where the problems lie.

Try to remember everything is just a perception the next time you are about to judge someone... And try to remember that just because you may disagree with something, that doesn't always make it wrong. The day that this world becomes more open minded may never happen, but if it does, that'll be the day that so many problems are fixed...

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”― Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

The Vast Universe

What is the universe? What is reality? What religion is true? What is fact and what is opinion? What is truth and what is a lie? The great questions of life... At least in my opinion..

And lets face it. Every single person on this planet would give you a totally different answer to each of those questions. One person would say the Roman Catholic church is the true religion, another would say Buddism is the true religion and so on and so forth.. But then someone else would come along to challenge both of those views, and after digging even deeper they would find that each person in both religions see even their own religion differently from others who belong to the same one... One person would say reality is simply just formed from everything that has a true existence on this Earth. But what truly exists? What one person may say exists, another would say it doesn't. What may seem to be a fact to another person, such as God does exist, is a complete opinion to another. What one person may consider a truth, will always have falsehoods to another... One may say the universe contains all of the stars, and planets, and moons, and galaxies.. But then another person would come along and tell them that we have only reached 5% of the universe, so how do we really know what all of  it contains?

Then we would spiral around again to all of the other questions, because they are truly linked.. If we only know of 5% of the universe, how could we know that the God of one religion is the true one? Because 5% is truly so small, and we have no clue what other life could be out there worshiping a completely different God in the unknown universe. So then is what we know of the universe truly conclusive fact, or is it just opinion based off of what little we do know... And on and on it goes. Spiraling out of control.

But truly all of this could have such a simple answer if we are willing enough to see it like that. What is the universe? Well.. The universe is in our own minds. There is absolutely nothing, no picture, no teaching, no opinion, no fact, no story, that doesn't get processed by our minds and spirits. So of course the universe is all in our minds. It is unique to every individual. Because our realities are truly our own, because we create them. Everyone will always give a different answer to every question. Not one of us is programmed the same. Your universe is your own. Don't let anyone take that from you.

Dare to be different. Because in the end we are all connected. We each have a little piece of God in us. We all have a different purpose, we all have a unique story, we all have unique thoughts, we are all meant to teach something and learn something. Everything is so huge that not one of us could possibly have all the answers, and we aren't meant to. That is why life is only part of the journey, and a truly short part at that. We will all continue to grow, and put pieces together. Because that is all we have, we only have pieces.. And each of us is trying to put together this never ending, incomplete, puzzle in a different way.

So worship how you may. Teach how you will. Love how you want. But don't forget that you will never be completely correct with anything to anyone but yourself. Everything has a piece of truth to it, and a piece of a lie to it all at the same time.

What one person may say is true, could be completely true to them, but it does not have to be true to you. Truths are circumstantial, just like every fact, and every opinion. 

This is your universe. Make of it what you will.

The Condition of The Human Mind: Thought

I've been learning a lot about life lately. About the way we as humans think and do things. About the rut we have all put ourselves in.. But most importantly I have been learning how to change all of that, and how to become better. 

So I've decided that I should share it with all of you. Take from it what you may. I personally have found all of it fascinating and life changing. I seriously go about my life differently each day. And I have come to realize that the world is oh so very different than what I thought..

I'm going to start with a picture: 

Now all you have to do is answer a simple question, what is in the picture? 

The answer should be simple, it's a snowflake right? Just a snowflake, nothing special. So why am I asking you to tell me what's in the picture? 

Well... What if I was to tell you that you are wrong. It isn't a snowflake at all...

Look again... And think about it. 

Has your answer changed? If you get where I'm going by now then it should have. But a lot of people don't see it until it's explained..

So let me explain. It isn't a snowflake. Not really. All it is is a picture of a snowflake. Not an actual snowflake. Therefore when your automatic answer is to say it's a snowflake, you are wrong.

All of us have thousands, millions, even billions of thoughts go through our head, everyday, all day, from the moment we wake up. They are just zipping through at the speed of light. Take this moment right now for instance, and look out the window. What do you see? Perhaps you see grass, or cars, or birds. Whatever it is you see your mind will automatically send you a thought saying "oh it's a bird" or "oh it's grass". 

But see... Here's the thing. These thoughts are not your thoughts at all. Not even close. They are your brains thoughts. Thoughts that every single human being has every single day. They are an automated response, just like with the picture of the snowflake. You had an automatic response "oh it's a snowflake".

Do you get where I'm going with this? 

A lot of things people would call a thought are really just our minds filtering things. 

So if those aren't our thoughts, then do we even have thoughts, real thoughts? Well yes, of course we do. Provided that we aren't one of those people that just glide through life without wanting to challenge anything. Because the only time when we have a thought of our own is when we challenge.

Like when I told you your answer that the picture was a snowflake was wrong. That was a challenge. Some of you jumped to it. You challenged yourself, you took a step back, you thought critically, and you came to the conclusion that it wasn't a snowflake at all, but just a picture in the shape of a snowflake.

This is the condition of the human mind, of human beings in general. We all do it. All the time. All day. But the goal is to stop that, and challenge.. Stop and say "is it.. is it really?"

That is the truth of the human condition.

The Fleeting Facts.

The sad truth is that I notice a lot more deaths and losses right around the holidays... I don't know if you've noticed it too, or if it's just me. But the past few years I have been to too many funerals, and heard of too many deaths.. And it all for people I have known, and some I have even grown up with. And it's hard.. Especially because it all seems to land during the Holiday's, the time when you are super focused on family. Death is already hard. But it is an even bigger slap in the face when it's around the time you are looking to your family the most.

In my opinion there has been far too many deaths over the past couple of years. And my heart really does go out to those who have lost a loved one. I know it isn't easy. I have dealt with my share of death.. And while I realize people die every day, just like people are born every day.. It doesn't really hit home until someone you know dies. And then it is suddenly a very surreal thing. Suddenly it is very personal.. And very unfair.

But it's been making me think... Think about life and how fleeting it really is. I mean I think we all know in the back of our heads that time is short. We know it. We just block it out. Because, really, who wants to think about that right? The goal of life is to be happy. And dwelling on death, or the fact the your life really isn't that long, is frankly really depressing. 

While I realize no one wants to think about that, I do think we should think about it a little bit more. I'm definitely not saying anyone should go all deep dark and depressed and dwell on the bad. That's not the point. The point is that the saying "live each day like it's you're last" should be practiced a lot more. We should all start appreciating life a bit more, and appreciating the people that are closest to us more. In today's society we all just tend to glide through life in fast motion. We treat everything like we need to get it done as quickly as possible. There is no magic to the day, there is just rushing and craziness. People don't tell their friends and family they love them nearly enough. Fights occur far too often. Relationships are broken too much. Gifts people buy aren't heart felt, it's all about buying the latest piece of technology, and going into debt because you want your gift to be bigger than everyone else's.. Life isn't loved like it should be. Beauty is skipped over. We play life in fast motion. Nothing is savored. 

In my opinion as time has gone on, everything has gone all wrong. Hold your loved ones close. Tell a stranger her hair is pretty. Ask for that girls phone number. Give yourself a compliment every day. Dwell on the good, not the bad. Go for your dreams. Shoot for the stars.. Break the pattern.. Savor. Because tomorrow is truly never a guarantee.

Remember:

Confidence is key. Love is blind. Support is a treasure. Relationships are overrated. Time is a concept. Open mindedness is a vision. Bravery is often mistaken for rashness. Shyness should never be taken as weakness. Regrets are a waste of time. Questions are for the bold. Happiness is a quest. Acceptance is a strength. Loyalty is bravery. Choices are impossible. Discouragement never pays. Optimism is a way of life. Luck is realizing opportunity. Credit isn't needed. Kindness requires selflessness. Laughter is medicine. Patience is not a virtue, but a sign of a more highly developed being. Ruthlessness is boredom on fire. Self love is mistaken for arrogance. Humor is talent. Seeing beauty is artistry. Anger is destruction. Hate is taught. Opinions are never fact. Mistakes are lessons. Adventure is everywhere. Normal has no definition. Religion is man made. Strength has nothing to do with a physical body. Music is life. You are your worst critic. Letting go takes courage. Romance is an act of passion. Danger is real. Fear is a choice. Death is a different journey. Passion can be dangerous. Too much of a good thing can be bad. Talent should be shared. Every life is precious. Senses are gifts. Beliefs are nothing but opinions. Reality is perception of the mind. The universe is all in your head.. But most importantly, never give up. Never surrender. And seize the day.

Lioness

For me.. Life lately has been an adventure of even more self discovery. It always astonishes me how much we don't even know about ourselves, and how much we can learn in just a matter of minutes. 

But even though I have been learning some new things I can't say I have been very shocked.. I guess I just kind of always knew about them in the back of my mind.. I just chose to bury it all throughout different parts of my life. 

Basically all I can really say is my lioness is coming out.. The huge part of me that is unbelievably strong is tired of sleeping. I am ready to wake up. And I am bringing every single part of me with it. I am embracing this blazing fire of strength and I am letting it engulf me. I'm not really scared anymore.. I've felt this part of me before at different times but I've always stifled it. Because I feared it. Not anymore. I am sick of being viewed as weak. I am sick of standing silently in the shadows. I am tired of being ran over and undervalued. I know I have a lot to offer this world and I am starting to get ready to do that.

Be prepared to see a different side of me. Don't get me wrong.. I won't be changing too much.. But just don't be surprised if you see a different light and strength and presence about me. 

Recently I have been able to talk with a new found friend in my life.. And he has truly taught me so much... About life, about obstacles and how you can overcome them, about embracing my spirit, and my huge value. He and I have a lot in common.. And it has been so wonderful to learn from him. I truly look up to him.. He sees the roaring lioness inside me, and he has helped me to see it.

I have yet to perfect this hew art form of accepting my whole self without worrying about what others think of me.. But I am truly and completely enjoying the journey. 

I am tired of not being loved back the way I have loved others, I am tired of not being heard, I am tired of people not really seeing me, I am tired of others defining me, I am tired of standing in my own way, I am tired... Tired of how my life has been lived so far and how others in my life have treated me and people I love. 

I am worth it. I am strong. I am beautiful. I am amazing. I am smart. I have value. I am a lioness.

So watch out... I am breaking free.

And I won't be chained again.

My Miracle.

About a month and a half ago my mom and I both had the wonderful opportunity to do something amazing.. Save a life.

As most of you know she and I both volunteer up at the Humane Society of Utah. We've both been huge animal lovers our whole lives, but we also both have a huge soft spot in our hearts for dogs especially... After all we do have five.

When I started volunteering up there after my mom I took an instant liking to a specific breed.. The Pitbull. Now I know most of you would think I'm crazy because of that. Because most of you are very very sadly misinformed about this amazing breed. And sadly.. I was also misinformed at one point. We are all taught to hate them. To fear them. That they are basically nothing but killing machines. But during my time working there I learned that they are so very different from what we have all taught ourselves... And it all started with one specific Pitbull.. I still remember her, her name was Edna. And she and I bonded basically instantly. 

Ever since then whenever I go up the first dogs I take out are always the Pitbulls. A few things you should know about this breed: They are nothing to fear. They may look scary, but really all they are are fun loving clowns. They love people more than anything. They are loyal. They are the most forgiving and accepting breed out there. They are hardly ever the dog to start a fight, I always see labs, or boxers or basically any other breed start the fight and often the Pitbull won't even fight back. Yes you may hear about Pitbulls attacking people or other dogs, but in truth those attacks are very far and few in between (you only hear about them because we have labeled them wrong, and in fact there are A LOT of dogs out there of all sorts of breeds that are attacking people or dogs as well, you just hear about the Pitbull because they are the ones labeled wrong, it's all about what the people teach them to do and sadly Pitbulls are used as fighting dogs a lot.), you should ALWAYS judge the deed, never the breed.

The whole time my mom and I have worked at the Humane Society we have felt like even though we are contributing to a wonderful cause, we have always wanted to do more... Around this time is when my mom met my miracle, Petunia the Pitbull. She found this wonderful dog in Cedar city while she was on a college tour with my younger sister. At the time Petunia had been wandering the streets, homeless, and starving. There was so much fear in Petunia, even when my mom offered her a hamburger, hoping to help this poor dog in even the smallest way, Petunia did not want to approach my mom.. But after poor starved and frightened Petunia ate the hamburger he followed my mom around and licked her hand, begging for more.. My mom broke down in tears.. At this point she called me so that I could get her the Humane Societies number..

Petunia ended up in the pound in Cedar city.. But my mom and I could not bear the thought of her getting put down. Luckily that pound was more than happy to work with the Humane Society so that we could save this wonderful creature. And a few short days later my mom and I were on the road to go save this wonderful dog... Even when we picked her up from the pound my mom was saying she was already a different dog. 

The trip was amazing and so very worth it.. But instead of taking her to the Humane Society the next day we ended up fostering her... 

Seeing the love and light come out of this dog and the life come out of her has been nothing short of amazing. She is my example of pure forgiveness and love. The journey I have had the pleasure to walk with her has been bumpy at times, but it has also been something I will cherish forever. I have learned a lot from it. Petunia is definitely a part of me. She has a special place in my heart and always will.. And I know she has come to feel the same way about me as I do about her.. In fact she loves us all. She loves people in general. And she loves other dogs.. She just loves everything! She has such a strong appreciation for life. And appreciation I have never seen in any other living thing. She's always so bright eyed and magnificent. Even though I know she has been through Hell. 

She loves loves being outside and spending time with her people. She knows our cars and gets overly excited whenever we drive up in them.. Her favorite toy out of all of them is her care bear, she cuddles with it all the time and can't sleep without it. Her favorite treat is probably her peanut butter spray .. And she's incredibly smart. It doesn't take her long to learn a new trick. One of her favorite places to go is probably the park across the street, she loves to run around freely, go down the slides and dig... But she always wants to race right back into our arms.. She has such a huge heart.

Unfortunately she has had to live outside in the Groomery because sadly our dogs won't be nice to her, even though she would LOVE to be their friend.. Long story short, the situation has become to hard.. We can no longer foster her. So long story short we have made the very painful decision to take her up to the Humane Society tomorrow. I truly feel like my heart is breaking because of this. Thinking of having to see her sad and confused face when we walk away from her leaving her there.. Then coming home to see her toys she loves so much in the Groomery because she can't have them there... It just breaks me.. I already feel empty.. And she's not even gone yet. I love her so much. And I know she loves me... I just hope this is truly the best decision.

Petunia will always be my miracle. My example of everything pure and good in this life.

I love you baby. With my whole heart. 

If any of you would like to adopt her, or know someone that would like to adopt her.. Please let me know. She deserves an amazing home that will show her nothing but love... She deserves the best.

The drive to get Petunia from the pound

The drive.. I was so excited

After we picked her up. She was pretty scared.

The drive back.

We had a little pit stop.. No pun intended ;) She was so skinny.

One of her first nights with us.

Petunia now...

Posing for "The Dog" ;)

Enjoying time at the park.

She learned how to ride a skateboard.

Smelling flowers.

She gets so excited when her people get home..

Less Than Perfect: A message to all women.

Wherever you're from... Whatever secrets your past holds... Whatever your pant size is... Wherever you are... Whatever language you speak... Whether you're a single mom, or a 14 year old girl battling through High School... Wherever you're headed... Whatever religion you have left, or belong to... Whether you're gay, bi or straight... No matter how many insecurities you may or may not have... Whether you're book smart, or street smart...

You deserve nothing that is less than perfect.

As women in this day in age it is extremely hard... Basically everything is just hard. We have so much pressure to look perfect, to act perfect.. But what is perfect? Well apparently we have all established perfect as the medias idea of a beautiful woman.. Something that isn't possible.. Not even for those models in the magazine or those celebrities walking down the red carpet. Every single one of us has flaws. Scars. Acne. Weight issues. Secrets. Embarrassing moments. Yet.. Even though we know that in the back of our heads, we still convince ourselves that we should be able to achieve that impossible image of beauty.

Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why have we created this ridiculous amount of pressure? Our flaws, our differences, are what make us so wonderfully, beautifully, and perfectly human.

Because of all of this pressure, because of the media that give us all body issues, because of the ridiculous competition between you and your neighbor, because of this impossible image of beauty... We as women seem to always be in a pit of incredibly low self esteem. 

We feel like if we don't have a man all the time, we must not be pretty or worth it. We feel like if our skin isn't always flawless, and our hair isn't always perfectly done we aren't trying hard enough. We feel like because we may not have gone to a certain college we will never amount to anything. We feel like we should always hide our past and our mistakes because if anyone found out we are just human we would be shunned forever.

Why do we feel like this? Well because we as a society have created it. We get those feelings because people have taught us to feel that way. We make each other feel like we aren't pretty. We shun each other. We make each other feel less than worth it.. Because we are letting our own insecurities take over..

None of this is needed... We could be so much better.

We could live in a perfectly imperfect world, where we recognize and love each others flaws and differences... 

Ladies.. I am here to tell you that... YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOUR DIFFERENCE'S MAKE YOU AN INDIVIDUAL. YOU SHOULD NEVER WANT TO BLEND IN. YOU DESERVE THE BEST.

If you are in a bad relationship because you feel like you don't deserve more, get out. You always deserve the best. I don't care who you are, what you've done in your life, what your dress size is. None of that matters. You deserve a guy that brings you flowers just because it's Monday. You deserve someone that loves you unconditionally. And you will find it. You just have to recognize that you are worth it and hold out until you find it.

If you are in any kind of a situation that you wouldn't want your daughter, or your best friend, or your sister in.. GET OUT! Because if they don't deserve it. Then you don't either.

If you want to be a photographer. Or a nurse. Or a construction worker. Or a model. Or an author. Or a designer. But there are voices around you telling you that you can't.. Silence them. Stand strong and go for your dream. Because you CAN make it. 

Ladies.. You are wonderful. You are strong. You are unique. You have so much to offer.

Own who you are. See the beauty in your life.

Don't worry so much about what others are thinking.. Because they'll always judge, no matter what you do.

We may have messed this society up through the years.. But we can start to change it by being that change.

Tell that shy girl that she is wearing a cute outfit. Look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and give yourself three compliments. Congratulate that popular girl on her big break in modeling. 

We all have our secrets. We all have our insecurities. It's time to start supporting everyone despite them. And it's time to start accepting ourselves despite them.

Don't settle for anything less than perfect..

Your own perfect..

No one else's idea of perfect..

Because we are living in a beautifully imperfect world.

Breathe.

Life's hard all around. We love. We hate. We have good days. We have bad days. We crave what we can't have. Everyone's begging for a love they can't have. We want change in the world, but we always refuse to be the one to start that change. When we see one thing we refuse to see another. We fall. Sometimes we get up, and sometimes we don't. Some of us choose our battles. And others of us try to fight them all. 

I used to try and fight them all. And I would lose. Over and over I would lose. I took knock out punches left and right. And eventually I didn't get back up. I didn't realize that if you choose your battles instead of trying to fight them all, you'll win the war. I went down that dark road.. That road you're traveling. The one you can't seem to find the strength to stray from.

I know. I know where you are. That place you're at. Because I've been there. I've gone where hope doesn't exist. I've been where faith in everything, faith in people, is gone. I've traveled so far into the dark that I forgot that light even existed. I've been so far down that pit where no matter how much you scratch claw and dig you make no progress. I've been exactly where you are living right now. So I know how utterly hopeless it can seem.

I've been down that road. The one where you hate yourself and the people in your life so much that death seems like the better option. I have lost God and I have hated him so much that I could feel it in my bones. I have been to that place where you may be alive, but not really living. I have faked those smiles. I have faked that laughter. I have been a shadow of myself, lingering with no purpose or direction. I have been to the absolute lowest of the low. I have taken the hard hits. I have been to the darkest place you can go.. And I got up. 

It's a new art form. Showing people how little I care. Embracing life as it is. Feeling the absolute strength of my spirit. Embracing the journey is never easy. Bouncing back from darkness is impossible. But working to get back is very possible.

Even when you feel you're completely broken, like life is not worth living. Even when you pray to that God you have lost all faith in for release. Even when you feel you can find no peace. There is always a part of you, no matter how small, struggling to find its way back. I know. I have been there. 

Breathe. Just breathe. 

Life is hard all around. For everyone. Always. 

Happiness is a basic human right. Something we all deserve no matter what we have done or where we have been. Life is something to be really and truly lived not just endured. 

Your spirit is strong. Your mind is amazing. You have a light, a fire, inside you. Reach in, find it, and let it ignite. 

Those of us that have been to the lowest point, or are at the lowest point are the strongest. Even when we don't feel it. If we weren't the strongest we wouldn't have to go through it. We are the strongest because even when we feel broken, even when we feel we have given up, there is always a part of us fighting. Those that don't reach that low point, that bottomless pit, are the ones that couldn't take it. 

Everyone has there struggles. Some are just harder and seemingly more endless than others.

This world can be so filled with hate. Bullying. Death. Sadness. Pain. Tears. Fears. 

But this world can also be so filled with beauty. Love. Life. Laughter. Hope. Smiles.

What side will you choose?

Will you wake up? Will you try? Will you find your strength? Will you be daring? Will you choose to be different? Will you fight your way back? Will you become that heavy weight champion? 

I've been there. And I've won.

I know my strength. It is amazing. It fills me and completes me. I know I can overcome so much. More than I ever thought I could handle.

And it all started with a deep breath. 

I closed my eyes...

And I looked up.

Just breathe.

Fight For It.

One of the things that makes me so sad is when I see someone give something up that is good. Something they need, or something they want... Or someone. 

When you find happiness in something, or with someone nothing should get in the way of that. If you love it, fight for it, if you can't stop thinking about it, it's time to get out of your hole and go fight for it! I don't care if it's hard. I don't care if it's painful. I don't care. And you shouldn't care.

Nothing that is easy to to achieve is worth it in this life. The things that are hard to get to are the things that are worth it, they are the things that will ultimately bring you happiness. The journey to get there isn't easy, but once you make it it's just that much more satisfying.

If you love her, go get her! If you want that job, be competitive! If you wanna have sexy legs like that other girl, go to the gym and get them! 

Very little is impossible in this world. Most things we can make happen if we set our minds to it. So don't talk yourself out of it, I speak from experience when I say you'll regret it. We only get so many chances at things until it slips out of your fingers... So stop putting it off. You never know when you're gonna wake up and realize it's all over for real, and you wish it wasn't.

Even if you're scared of the outcome you still have to try.. Because even when the answer might be "no" it also could be "yes". So why should you risk missing out on a "yes"?

Please people.. Don't give up so easily. Don't give up when it starts getting a little hard. If that guy your crazy about makes one little mistake, or doesn't agree with you on one thing, get over it and give him another chance, if you really love him looking past it should come really easily. If moving up in your company is really hard but you really want that position, that doesn't mean quit, that means work a little harder for a little longer.

Nothing that is really good and really worth it will come easily... That's how you know it's worth it.

Gonna Be a Sexy Lady!.. No.. Seriously.

So I've really been neglecting my Blog lately.. I went from posting basically everyday to not posting for like 2 weeks.. On the plus side you guys got a nice little break from my constant posting.. Down side.. I'm baaaaack! ;) 

Oh.. And also, my absence was not my fault! My dad stole my computer.. And kinda sorta neglected to give it back. 

Anyway! Onto my topic I planned for this post! Getting fit!

Basically, after a very emotionally rough time lately, well, I really needed an outlet. Something to kind of help me get all of my emotional distress out, and something to help me feel good about myself. My mom had been talking for a while about going to get trained by this woman named Tandi.. Tandi has been an MMA fighter for years. She teaches the awesome art of Muay Thai, and she is an instructor of some seriously killer work outs.. You can just go to her classes or get personally trained by her.

Seriously people.. This woman kicks so much butt! If you are wanting to really get whipped into shape.. Look to her!

Anyway.. With all of my emotional drama I asked my mom if I could go with her, ya know, provided that it wasn't too expensive for two people to go. I just thought it would be a good idea, give me something to do that would really get my built up tension out and I had wanted to get back into shape for a while. Good idea right?

Well.. Yes, and no. More yes than no.. But still.. It's truly a love hate relationship.

Seriously, it kicks butt. Gets your heart rate going. Makes every muscle in your body sore.. People that think they are totally in shape walk away from one of her classes, or another instructors classes, and they are totally worn out. 

And I am literally jello.. Not in shape at all.. So by the end of a class, I pretty much wanna lay down and die. But hey! I am already feeling good, and getting through a class with Tandi is seriously empowering, for several reasons. First, you can say you finished (which is a feet). Second, you are learning an art that can really help you defend yourself if you ever need to. Third, if you are a woman, you can be confident knowing you can take any man down. Fourth, you just feel dang good about yourself! Fifth, your body is gonna look dang good.

Really people.. If you have been looking for a serious push, look to The Pit Elevated (located in Orem). But if you're interested, do not expect anything easy, they'll kick your butt. But that is an extremely good thing!

Also, this gym is a really great environment. Everyone is really and truly nice, no one is fake, no one is there just to look at their "hot bods", everyone is very serious and passionate about their health and the art of Muay Thai. I love it. I never have a bad feeling in that place and I never feel uncomfortable.

I highly recommend The Pit. And I highly recommend Tandi as an instructor.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Pit-Elevated/208093452548026

A Life In Riddles

Life is beautiful. Life is crazy. It's insane. But it's a gift. There is absolutely no doubt about that. It's probably.. No it IS... The greatest gift ever given.

Each day we go through life wondering if  we're going down the right path... Doing the right thing, making the right choices.

We meet new people. Some of them stay, and some of them don't. But each person we meet, we meet for a reason. They were put on a path to find us, and we were put on a path to find them. You found them for a reason... Good... Bad.. Or maybe something in between.

We make mistakes for a reason. To learn. But learn what? Well that is for us to find out... Or not find out.. Depending on the situation. 

We make choices always wondering if they were right. But never really knowing. And that's okay, isn't it? Life isn't about always knowing or seeing the right way. What would be the point in that? What would you learn? You might not always be on the right path, you may stumble, you may fall.. But the point is to pick yourself back up again when you do.

Life is a journey. A journey that moves quickly.. You never know how much time you have, and even when you feel like you have a lot, you never really do..

No one sees eye to eye. And that's okay. Why should you? No one signed up for the same journey. No one is meant to learn the same things.

Life is always being given, and taken. If you feel you should make a choice or do something... Don't hesitate. Don't think about what others would think or do. You aren't here for them. You are here for you, and only you. So jump.

We all have our own unique reality. No one sees the world, or a moment, in the same way.

Your life is beautiful. Your life is unique. Your life is yours.

You don't have to believe what everyone else believes. Or see what everyone else sees. 

Being different is okay. And messing up is part of life. Don't believe absolutely everything people tell you too. Think objectively... But don't be too quick to judge either.

Take it step by step. Day by day. Minute by minute. Second by second.

You'll stumble.. You'll fall.. But even when you do, you'll always have something good come to remind you of the beauty that is you and your life.

You weren't sent here to be like everyone else.. So follow your heart... And most of all...

Carpe Diem.

Love Actually

The truth about love is it's pure, unassuming, non-judging, accepting, unwavering.

 Love is patient, it is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast. Love isn't self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps absolutely no record of wrongs.

 Love is quick to forgive, it does not delight in evils, but rejoices in truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always preserves.

 Love never fails. Love knows no bounds, it is far reaching and endless. Love is not stopped by anything, at least not true love. Love spreads through all religions, all races, all languages, all living things.

 Love is a force unlike any other, it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any possession could.

 Love is friendship caught on fire. It is quiet, understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. Love settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.

 The best proof of love is trust. And love is not altered when alteration find a person or situation. A meaningful love is never changing, it is something deep within you, always holding on, a passionate fire that cannot be doused. When you have true love no amount of political differences, religious differences, money, family, age, race, or career will get in the way.

 Love is when you want to give someone the moon and the stars. Love is compromise. Love is flawed perfection. Love is stolen glances, or a soft kiss. Love is when you wouldn't change the other person, not even their flaws or differences.

 Love does not keep score. Love is sacrifice. Love is messy, yet wonderful. Love is brilliant and painful. Love never lets go, even when the times get tough. Love is steadfast and relentless. Love burns deep in your veins, unquenchable.

 And when you find someone who inspires those feelings in you, and you know they feel the same... That is when you have found life. Life in a terrible yet beautiful force. Life in something irreplaceable and unbreakable. Life in something unchanging in an ever changing world... Never let it go... If you do, it'll be the one thing you regret.