When I'm gone.

Some of you may think this is a morbid post... Some of you may find it uplifting.. And some of you may just think it isn't worth your time and move right on past it. But whatever you may think.. This post is really for me more than anything. Even though I wouldn't mind it impacting other people as well..

Lately I have decided how I want to be remembered when I'm gone.. I know that's kind of an odd thing to think about given the fact that I'm only 19 and don't really plan on dying anytime soon. But still, I find it kind of important.. After all, we all leave our foot prints on this world that will last forever. How many you leave, and whether they are for better or worse is really up to the individual person. 

I personally have decided that even through all of my struggles and my negative times, I would much rather have my positive and happy times shine through more.. I want to be remembered as kind, understanding, loving, empathetic, brave, and a fighter. That's kind of a long list, I know, but let me explain a little more..

I want to be remembered as kind because I really honestly strive to be as nice and sincere to people as possible, without being fake at all. I have come to realize through very personal experiences that when you're down, or feeling alone even just someone giving you a smile or telling you that your hair looks pretty can do so much to brighten a person's day and mood. This world truly needs more kind people, people that are willing to be everyone's friend and be completely genuine with people.. That's what I strive for. To be an amazing friend to anyone and everyone that needs it.

I want to be remembered as understanding because I like to think that I am one of those people that can really be nonjudgmental and understanding toward anyone and whatever situation they are going through. I don't care if you have relapsed while trying to quit your addiction, or if you lied to me or someone else, or if you cheated on your significant other.. I will not be someone to judge you. That is not my place. All I will try to do it understand you and where you are coming from. I will listen and I will give you my advice and input if you want me to. Sometimes my personal opinion on a situation may not be pleasant.. But trust me, with a lot of things that have happened in my life or that I've seen happen.. I can understand a lot of situations and how and why a person got there.. I will always look at and realize all sides to every story.

I want to be remembered as loving because.. Well.. I am! It doesn't take me long to love a person or animal for pretty much everything they are. We are all unique in both personality and physical features, and there is always a lot to love about every single different person. And everyone deserves love. Always. Not matter if you make a bad choice, do something to hurt me, whatever.. If I have grown to love you, that won't stop.. Even at times when I am hurt or mad. Maybe the fact that I grow to love and appreciate people so quickly can be seen as a weakness.. I don't care. I choose to see it as a strength that not many people have.

I want to be remembered as empathetic because ever since I was a child I have had an amazing ability to really know how a person is feeling. When people naturally come to me with there problems, desires, or secrets it's like I just take on their emotions. I can sense when a person is sad even when they are trying to be happy. I just always seem to know.. It's a gift and a curse.. Because I can just feel and know these things so completely it really hurts when I know someone is hurting so badly, and I want nothing more than to help them. But on the flip side it is so amazing to know when someone is happy, that always helps to fill me with complete joy and it will brighten my day as well as theirs.

I want to be remembered as brave because of some of the things I have gone through.. My definition of brave isn't necessarily someone who will go sky diving, or bungee jumping, or ride the biggest roller coaster (even though I've done some of those things). No, my definition of brave is someone who has gone through a lot that really tests them as a person both physically and emotionally and not only get through it but come out wiser, and better because of it. I really honestly don't think highly of myself or think I'm better than anyone when I say this.. I just know and can confidently say, I am brave.

And lastly, I want to be remembered as a fighter. I want this because with all of the emotional turmoil I have been through, and all of the mental challenges I face every day I truly am a fighter. I am determined to beat the different issues I have and without the help of any kind of medication. The human mind is a powerful thing and as surely as you can develop things like my anxiety, panic, and hypochondria, you can kick them to the curb and beat them. You just have to realize this, realize your strength, and be willing to fight hard until the end..

And THAT is how I want to be remembered when I'm gone.. How do you want to be remembered?