Now I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to want to change some things for the sake of our personal growth and development.. That's an entirely different thing. That should always be encouraged.. The problem begins when you start wanting to change not just the things you do, but who you are. You reach this point when you realize you are so dissatisfied with yourself that you feel like no amount of change could convince you that you're worthy and lovable.. When trust me, we are all always very worthy and very lovable..
I will admit, I am probably one of those people that struggles with this more than others. I find it so much easier to love other people than myself.. Even though I know the problem is that you can't truly love someone else until you love yourself.. But still, that's usually where I'm at. I am more often in a state of comparing myself to others and self loathing than I am in a state of loving and accepting myself. It's a problem, I know. And I work on it everyday..
I realize that the fact that I struggle with this just as much or more than anyone else makes it so that I may not be the best person to be giving out advice on the subject.. But then again, maybe I am. I find that more people (including myself) are great at coming up with awesome advice, just not taking it for themselves. So, I guess you can take or leave what I have to say.. But I strongly encourage you listening to at least some of it.. Because what I have to say isn't just coming from me, but from some of the strongest and smartest people that I know of in history, and some of the most amazing people I know today. With all that said, I am going to share some of what's helped me, and what I have seen help others.. Until you learn to love yourself, there is no way you can know the greatest love..
First, you have to realize that you are not your body.. Our bodies are just a vessel for something much more beautiful and pure, your spirit. We were all spirits living with God, the most pure and wonderful being, before we were sent here to this Earth. Our physical forms do not define us. It is truly what is inside you that counts, it is what's inside you that is truly you. And trust me, it is beautiful and wonderful in every way. And beside that, when you down your physical being, you are downing the gift and creation that our Father has very generously given you. Are you going to be ungrateful for something He so generously and lovingly gave you?
Second, know that you are not your worst mistake. Yes, our past actions have shaped today. But we are not what we've been. Whatever you've done that you may not be proud of, it's over. We do not need to carry around labels or mistakes from yesterday that define us. We can judge ourselves by our weakest moments or our strongest moments. That choice is completely up to you. I encourage that you focus on your strongest moments, and you'll be shocked at how many more strong and proud moments you'll have or create.
Third, know you have nothing to prove. I don't care how confident or successful someone is. There are things they're proud of, and things they're ashamed of. And inside they wish people would see more of the former and less of the latter. We all want validation, it's a human need that's ground into us to feel connected to other people; and often times, when we feel alone it's because we feel like we haven't proven how good we are or can be. You don't have to show the world you're good. You don't have to try to hide the things you've done that might not seem flattering. You just need to forgive and accept yourself and trust that other people will, as well. Being authentic means being vulnerable, letting people see all of your different sides, and trusting they won't judge you, and knowing that if they do that's completely on them. I personally would rather be real with people and know the ones who accept me accept me as me, than pretend and have to maintain an illusion of something I'm not.
Fourth, see the dark as valuable. What I mean is, you've made mistakes, but who hasn't? Really? The true beauty of faltering is that you can help the world and yourself with your experiences. Because we have hurt, and because we do hurt, we can empathize with those that are hurting. We can reach outside of ourselves, forget our own pains, and hold other people up when they need it. The fact that we have strengths and weaknesses makes us so beautifully and imperfectly human. If we didn't all have less flattering traits and stories, this life would be pretty much pointless. When you realize your flaws and love them, you can help bring more of the people in this world together. And then you will see your flaws less as liabilities, but more as assets.
Fifth, know deeply and completely that you matter. Sometimes it is very hard to realize that what we do, and what we say, matters. This world can seem so big that we feel like we aren't making any kind of impact, negative or positive. It's easy to just start feeling like we have no real purpose.. When truly this world is much smaller than we think, and little things can make a big impact. Know that you touch countless people's lives everyday. Just because someone isn't blogging or tweeting about it doesn't mean it isn't true. Just like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life, you do kind things that have a ripple effect you can't possibly measure. Even if not everyone has recognized it, you make a positive difference in the world. You matter. That smile, or that hug, or that compliment you gave someone matters.
And finally, sixth, positive actions and feelings breed more. All those warm fuzzy feelings you may get mean very little if you're sitting alone wishing you could experience the world differently. Once you accept that you're worthy of love, and your dreams, you can actually create those things.. Not doing what we think we should do, but what we want to do. Get out into the world. Do that thing that scares and excites you that you've never been brave enough to do before. And recognize that you're amazing for doing it, even if you've only just made one small step towards it. Give yourself permission to not be perfect, and instead focus on progress. Love in action everyday, do something kind for yourself, do something kind for others, do something kind for the world. Acknowledge your weaknesses, don't try and cover them up, instead just work to improve them, but say loud and proud that they will not define you. If you start worrying about the future, or remembering the past, remind yourself that you deserve to live in the present. But remember, only you can make that happen..
In the end, as always, you yourself are the key. Only you can make all of these things happen. Only you can realize these things. Yes others can help and encourage you, but in the end the final product is all up to you.
Love yourself, every inch of yourself. Soul and physical being. Only say and think kind things about yourself... I know when I do this it surprises me how much my whole day, mood and outlook can really and truly improve. When you really love yourself you are opened up to a much bigger, better and happier world in so much more ways than one. And you can also start to love and accept others on a whole other level.
Trust me, every being on this planet deserves this.. We deserve to be happy with ourselves, and it is very possible.. No matter where you are, what you've done, how you look, or how you think you should be.. You deserve to let all the bad go, and just let the happiness and joy in..
To be truly beautiful is to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to be accepted by yourself.
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