Every Saint is a Sinner.

The past few years of my life have kind of been insane. A roller coaster ride of emotions, decisions, heart breaks, mistakes, love, and lies. I've had to make some of the hardest decisions, and stand by and watch as others broke my heart and made mistakes. And I have actively participated in every second of it, I have actively brought myself to the place I am in right now.... And I can honestly say that even if I had the opportunity to go back and change things, I wouldn't. Not because I enjoyed it all, because I definitely didn't... But because it has brought me to where I am now, and the knowledge I have now, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Every moment of our lives brings us to where we are now, in this very moment. Are you happy with that? Or not? Things may not be easy, life is messy and chaotic and painful... But the only question is, has it made you a better person? Or a worse person? 

We should never be afraid to fall apart. To let life happen, and sometimes break us down into a sobbing mess. Because when you do it is the perfect opportunity to rebuild yourself into what you wish you had been all along. And that is the greatest blessing of all. The only thing we have to do is be brave enough to see it that way.

Life is chaos. At least my life is, in my perspective. And for that I am grateful. I have learned to never again live my life for others. I have learned to love myself as a whole, mind, body, and spirit. I have learned who is really there for me, and who isn't. I have met wonderful people, and awful people, and learned amazing things from both. I have learned to better recognize blessings in my life. I have come to see God in a totally different way than I ever did before... And I have learned to be in love with my life.

No I am not always happy. No I don't lead a completely exciting life. But that's okay, because it is mine to do with what I will.

I have dealt with people treating me less than kindly. I have been judged more harshly than I ever thought I would be. I have lost those I have held closest to my heart. But I have also become more free than ever, I have learned what real love and support is, I have created boundaries I have always seriously needed... And so much more.

And one thing that I have learned above all is that my life has perhaps, not actually, been as chaotic as I have thought. It is merely the world that is so chaotic, and it is constantly bringing changes that we can never really anticipate. We can always control our own personal lives, what we cannot control is the world around us, and the people that occupy it. So why is it that we always hold ourselves accountable for the things we have zero control over, and never for the things we have 100% control over? 

I have learned to do nothing but enjoy the ride. I refuse to feel guilt over what isn't my fault. I refuse to look to others for the happiness I seek. I refuse to limit myself to another persons idea of God. I refuse to hold onto hurt and pain others bring into my life, because in the end it was never up to me. 

I allow everyone to judge me how they may (because I always know they will no matter what I do) without it ever touching me. I only allow a very select few people into my life, because I would so much rather only have a few close people around me who really care, than a huge group who couldn't really care less in the end.

Ruin is a gift. It always has been. Ruin is part of the road to transformation. You can't rebuild a city after a storm rages if it is not first torn down.

Every saint is a sinner. And every sinner is a saint. Those covered in tattoos and piercings that never attend church are often much kinder than those who have perfect attendance on Sundays. Beauty is in the soul. We must stop wearing our wishbones, where our backbones should be. I am completely baffled by the idea of a deity who takes attendance, instead of just paying attention to peoples actions. 

Happiness is only a consequence of personal effort. It always has been that, and nothing more. You must fight for it, strive for it, and insist upon it. You must always participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings, instead of just sitting around wondering where they are. And once you have achieved that state of happiness you must never become lazy about maintaining it, or it will wither away quicker than it came. You have to always be making an effort to swim towards the top of it, and always stay afloat.