If I'm being honest.. Yesterday was awful, Hell in fact. I mean lets face it, no matter how much people sugar coat their lives, put on those constant peppy "I'm perfect" smiles, or posts the best of themselves all over social media.. No one is perfect, everyone has bad days, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has regrets, everyone says things they don't mean, and so on.
Life is hard. It's bumpy. It's messy. And if we are being honest with ourselves, we will admit that we don't really have much control over it. I mean yes, we do make choices, we act.. But we can't help our tire going flat, or a loved one dying, or losing our job.. Or whatever it may be.. For the most part, life is just happening to us.. All we can do is just do the best with what we are given and march on.
Happiness is a choice though. Determination is also a choice. And so is resolution. And those three things are things I have chosen since yesterday, when frankly, all Hell broke loose.
I won't go into details, because, really, what's the point. I don't need anyone feelings like they should feel sorry for me, or looking down on me, or judging me. Nope. The people in my life that should know about it all, do know. And that's because they played significant rolls in it.
All I will say is that I felt utter despair, and desperation. I felt lost and alone and I did not know what to do. I reacted poorly in many instances, and others did as well.. I jumped to conclusions and situations I didn't really want but I claimed over and over that they were the only ones. Why? Because no matter how much I like to claim I have it figured out, or that I am totally emotionally mature, or that I have the answers, or that I am completely and 100% strong and secure in myself.. I am only human.. And I fall down. And no I do not have everything figured out. I may be much better off with myself and so many other things in my life than I ever was before.. But like everyone else on this little spinning marble, I have much to figure out, much to learn to admit, and a never ending journey to come with it all.
Today though, I am like a different person. And it wouldn't have happened without the events of yesterday happening first. I have decided what I want. And what I am willing to do to make it happen. I am steadfast, I am resolute, I have the clarity I lacked before, and I am ready to hit the ground sprinting.
Today I am filled with happiness, strength and the supreme sense that everything will be okay, that it'll work out. It's going to take some give and take. It may not be perfect.. But it will still be utterly beautiful. And I have the most amazing people to stand beside me.
Here I go. Reaching for the seemingly impossible. Reaching for the sun, the moon and the stars..
Because, well, what's life if we aren't willing to risk a little for our grand adventure?
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