Dear lover, care taker, husband, best friend, and high light to my day..
Dear Kevin..
I have so much I want to say to you, and not enough words to capture it all...
Everyone warned me that after the engagement excitement, and the months and months of wedding planning, the big day, and the being whisked off to a much needed honeymoon right after it all, I'd feel a lull and a kind of depression/down time.. Because after all that hype for so long it just suddenly stops.. No warning, no gradual descent.. It's just over.. And then what do you do? For so long the purpose was pulling that wedding together.. For so long it was all about running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and not nearly enough time in the day.. Then all of a sudden, BAM, life is just normal and mundane, back to the old grind, almost like none of that fairy tale time ever happened.
And I'll admit, it has hit me a little bit.. But I wouldn't call it depression, just a slight lull in life. We have our new apartment, our big day has come and gone, our honeymoon has also come and gone.. And I see couples getting newly engaged, or just barely seeing their engagement pictures for the first time, and I miss that feeling. That extreme high that gives you amazing butterflies in your stomach everyday, there is truly nothing like it. But has this feeling smashed me and totally taken over my life like some people would of had me believe it would do? No. Simply no. Why? Well, it's because of you. There is a whole new kind of excitement in my life now..
I didn't say yes when you got down on one knee almost a year ago in Disneyland only because I just wanted a wedding day.. I wanted a marriage. I wanted you. You and me forever, taking on the world together as an unstoppable duo. I wanted to wake up to your disheveled hair and little grumblings in the morning. I wanted to feel your warm arms wrap completely around me protectively in the biggest bear hug ever everyday for the rest of my life.. I didn't want to ever miss seeing the wonderful gleam in your eye whenever you see a new Lego set.. Or miss hearing your extremely contagious laugh echo through the halls of the house... Or have to fondly remember the way you crack yourself up whenever you tell a joke. I wanted all of you, everyday, for the rest of forever, just like you wanted all of me. Flaws, bad hair days, and all.
You are everything to me and more. Yes it is slightly impossible to not feel a slight low after all that hype. But all it is for me is a slight change in pace. Because we still have so much to look forward to in life together. So many more firsts and exciting things to come for us. And when I think of that, or wake up to your amazing eyes looking right back at me.. I get a new kind of excitement in my stomach.
I am so excited to get our first house together.. To buy our first dog together... Our first nice car.. Our first child.. Our first trip to Disney World, or a Disney Cruise.. And so many more amazing firsts. So much of this amazing life to take on with my partner in crime right by my side.
I am so overjoyed that I married you. And I will always look back fondly on this time in our lives. But I am much more excited to really get our lives together going.. The possibilities are endless!
I love you, Kevin, to the moon and back. You're the peanut butter to my jelly, the Han to my Leia, the butterflies in my belly, the apple to my pie, the Merry to my Pippin, the John to my Sherlock, the straw to my berry, the Westley to my Buttercup, the Nutella to my bread, the hazelnut to my coffee, the Sam to my Dean, the Link to my Zelda, the Arthur to my Merlin, the pep in my step, the sun to my shine, the vanilla to my coke, the peanut butter to my chocolate, the whipped cream to my ice cream.. You're the Forever to my Always..
I know the rest of my life is going to be a fairy-tale, because you are definitely my knight in shining armor. You lift me up like no one else can, you make me smile even when it's the last thing I feel like doing, you take care of me when I'm sick, and hold me when I cry, I know you'd do anything to see my smile (including making a fool of yourself in public), you're my voice of reason when I have none, and secretly I'll always love it when you tickle attack me.. I am the luckiest in the whole world. You're my reason, my universe. I wouldn't trade a moment with you for anything else.
Know that I am always very grateful to you, even when it may not seem like it. Know that I love you deeply, even when I don't always say it enough. Know that I see how much you do for us, even when you feel inadequate. Know I'll always be by your side, even when it's rough. Know I'll always try to make you feel those butterflies you continue to make me feel on a daily basis.
Are you excited for our future too? I sure hope you are.. Because I'm bounce off the walls, jump up and down, crazy dance excited for it! And I don't want to be the only one with a goofy smile on my face over it.
Forever yours..
-Princess
XOXO
Monday, March 2, 2015
Monday, February 23, 2015
Engagement coming to an end.. Wedding crazies.. Getting robbed.. Honeymooning at it's finest.. And all those wonderful things!
Hey all!
It's been a while, has it not? But I promised a juicy update on my life, and all things about my wedding.. So here it is! The good, the bad, and the ugly..
I'm MARRIED! You are now looking at, Mrs. Houck (well not legally, my last name is still Memory, and right now I don't even wanna think about the long drawn out process of changing my name)! Can you believe it? Almost a full years worth of being engaged, and it finally happened.
Our wedding was on February 14, 2015, held at the Camp Williams Officer's club. The ceremony was beautiful, full of emotion, laughter, and happiness. It was a huge step in my life, but I didn't for one second feel nervous, or hesitant at all.. And seeing Kevin's delighted and tearful face when I walked down that aisle toward him, was everything I dreamed of and more.. Totally blissful. Completely worth the stressful and chaotic wedding week, and the even more stressful night before the wedding and morning of..
If I'm being totally honest.. No the morning of my wedding wasn't all peaceful and relaxed.. It was mass chaos. I had a bridesmaid drop out on my the night before around 1 AM, we had all sorts of drama over the person doing my music the day before, and issues with catering the day before, on the morning of no one would leave me alone for even five seconds because they all had questions about food, decorations, where to be, what to do.. Sadly the bride is the one everyone turns to, even when your maid of honor is the one designated for all of that.. We had family showing up late for our one and only opportunity for the rehearsal, and so much more.. It didn't go smoothly? But really, what wedding does? If it goes off without a hitch.. It isn't memorable. We even had the fire alarm go off right at the beginning of our reception.. That was hilarious (and scary, and stressful).. But like I said, those hiccups in the day are what make it memorable. I wouldn't change any of it. I would change the never ending amount of people asking me all sorts of questions, or the people showing up late, or the fire alarm.. Because the amazing moments definitely out weigh the craziness.. The moments like walking towards Kevin and seeing the glee in his face, or finally saying "I do" to becoming his wife, or having my first dance with him, or watching him and his groomsmen do the YMCA in silly hats, or smooshing the cake all over Kevin's face when he was so careful giving me my piece, or Kevin's little jig he did right before he took my garter off.. Or getting to go to our new apartment with him in our markered, confetti/toilet paper filled car. To me, it's a day I will truly cherish forever.
The only thing that still is baffling to me and extremely hurtful, is the fact that someone robbed Kevin and I that night.. Yup, you heard me right, someone took $250 from Kevin's wallet AT OUR WEDDING. So that means it was someone we invited, friend or family.. I still can't believe someone would do that. I don't understand how they did that to us, on our wedding night, and felt okay leaving with it. I guess we will always have a crazy over the top wedding story to share, but that will never heal the hurt and shock we still feel over it. Whoever you are, wherever you are, if you're reading this.. I don't know why you took the money, maybe it was for some sick thrill, maybe you are having a hard time.. If it is the second reason, maybe you should have come and asked us to borrow money, we may have tried to figure something out for you.. If it's the first one, shame on you, who does that to a couple who is just getting on their feet, who haven't even been married for 24 hours? Whatever the reason is, I hope that when you spend that money you think of us, we aren't much better off financially than anyone else, we just paid for a huge wedding, and a new apartment, we don't by any means have a lot right now.. We could have really used that $250.. And I hope you think about the people who gave it to us out of the kindness of their hearts.. My grandpa, and one of Kevin's very best friends.. They intended for that money to help US get on our feet, not some random stranger who we thought was a friend.. Rant over.
Our honeymoon? Ohhh! That was much needed! A week away from it all, no wedding stress, no work stress, just me and Kevin, with no cell phone service, so no one could bug us. It was amazing! Money well spent in my opinion. Secretly, the honeymoon was my favorite part.. Shh! Don't tell. But seriously, if you can't afford a honeymoon, even a small one, after your wedding.. Then don't have your wedding so soon. I cannot imagine not having a honeymoon after all that, and just having to jump right back into reality and normal life, I honestly don't know if I could have done it. You need to be able to unwind, to step away from it all, and just enjoy each other. Honeymoon=Must. Sadly we had to step right back into unneeded, over the top, drama right when we got off the plane.. And unfortunately, it is still going. I won't get into that, because that is very personal for Kevin, and if it ever gets share with anyone other than those who already know, it will be because he shares it, not me.
Next item, we got to move my sweet little dog Inko into our apartment yesterday! Yay! Now I don't have to go to a totally empty apartment every day after work.. (Kevin works from 3-2 AM every day).. So far he is doing well, all things considered. He is a bit jumpy, and definitely clingy. But he is eating and drinking, and playing, and sleeping. He just doesn't like it when I leave..
So, now you know! A little about my life from the past couple weeks! It isn't by any means in detail.. But ya know, it's good enough.
Long story short. Don't stress over every little detail at your wedding, it won't go perfectly, but perfect isn't always best. Flaws make it stand out. Focus on the good moments, and laugh at the stressful/bad ones. Your day will be amazing, even with those little hiccups here and there.. The important part is you're marrying the love of your life, right? The rest is just small details.
Yours Truly,
Madi
It's been a while, has it not? But I promised a juicy update on my life, and all things about my wedding.. So here it is! The good, the bad, and the ugly..
I'm MARRIED! You are now looking at, Mrs. Houck (well not legally, my last name is still Memory, and right now I don't even wanna think about the long drawn out process of changing my name)! Can you believe it? Almost a full years worth of being engaged, and it finally happened.
Our wedding was on February 14, 2015, held at the Camp Williams Officer's club. The ceremony was beautiful, full of emotion, laughter, and happiness. It was a huge step in my life, but I didn't for one second feel nervous, or hesitant at all.. And seeing Kevin's delighted and tearful face when I walked down that aisle toward him, was everything I dreamed of and more.. Totally blissful. Completely worth the stressful and chaotic wedding week, and the even more stressful night before the wedding and morning of..
If I'm being totally honest.. No the morning of my wedding wasn't all peaceful and relaxed.. It was mass chaos. I had a bridesmaid drop out on my the night before around 1 AM, we had all sorts of drama over the person doing my music the day before, and issues with catering the day before, on the morning of no one would leave me alone for even five seconds because they all had questions about food, decorations, where to be, what to do.. Sadly the bride is the one everyone turns to, even when your maid of honor is the one designated for all of that.. We had family showing up late for our one and only opportunity for the rehearsal, and so much more.. It didn't go smoothly? But really, what wedding does? If it goes off without a hitch.. It isn't memorable. We even had the fire alarm go off right at the beginning of our reception.. That was hilarious (and scary, and stressful).. But like I said, those hiccups in the day are what make it memorable. I wouldn't change any of it. I would change the never ending amount of people asking me all sorts of questions, or the people showing up late, or the fire alarm.. Because the amazing moments definitely out weigh the craziness.. The moments like walking towards Kevin and seeing the glee in his face, or finally saying "I do" to becoming his wife, or having my first dance with him, or watching him and his groomsmen do the YMCA in silly hats, or smooshing the cake all over Kevin's face when he was so careful giving me my piece, or Kevin's little jig he did right before he took my garter off.. Or getting to go to our new apartment with him in our markered, confetti/toilet paper filled car. To me, it's a day I will truly cherish forever.
The only thing that still is baffling to me and extremely hurtful, is the fact that someone robbed Kevin and I that night.. Yup, you heard me right, someone took $250 from Kevin's wallet AT OUR WEDDING. So that means it was someone we invited, friend or family.. I still can't believe someone would do that. I don't understand how they did that to us, on our wedding night, and felt okay leaving with it. I guess we will always have a crazy over the top wedding story to share, but that will never heal the hurt and shock we still feel over it. Whoever you are, wherever you are, if you're reading this.. I don't know why you took the money, maybe it was for some sick thrill, maybe you are having a hard time.. If it is the second reason, maybe you should have come and asked us to borrow money, we may have tried to figure something out for you.. If it's the first one, shame on you, who does that to a couple who is just getting on their feet, who haven't even been married for 24 hours? Whatever the reason is, I hope that when you spend that money you think of us, we aren't much better off financially than anyone else, we just paid for a huge wedding, and a new apartment, we don't by any means have a lot right now.. We could have really used that $250.. And I hope you think about the people who gave it to us out of the kindness of their hearts.. My grandpa, and one of Kevin's very best friends.. They intended for that money to help US get on our feet, not some random stranger who we thought was a friend.. Rant over.
Our honeymoon? Ohhh! That was much needed! A week away from it all, no wedding stress, no work stress, just me and Kevin, with no cell phone service, so no one could bug us. It was amazing! Money well spent in my opinion. Secretly, the honeymoon was my favorite part.. Shh! Don't tell. But seriously, if you can't afford a honeymoon, even a small one, after your wedding.. Then don't have your wedding so soon. I cannot imagine not having a honeymoon after all that, and just having to jump right back into reality and normal life, I honestly don't know if I could have done it. You need to be able to unwind, to step away from it all, and just enjoy each other. Honeymoon=Must. Sadly we had to step right back into unneeded, over the top, drama right when we got off the plane.. And unfortunately, it is still going. I won't get into that, because that is very personal for Kevin, and if it ever gets share with anyone other than those who already know, it will be because he shares it, not me.
Next item, we got to move my sweet little dog Inko into our apartment yesterday! Yay! Now I don't have to go to a totally empty apartment every day after work.. (Kevin works from 3-2 AM every day).. So far he is doing well, all things considered. He is a bit jumpy, and definitely clingy. But he is eating and drinking, and playing, and sleeping. He just doesn't like it when I leave..
So, now you know! A little about my life from the past couple weeks! It isn't by any means in detail.. But ya know, it's good enough.
Long story short. Don't stress over every little detail at your wedding, it won't go perfectly, but perfect isn't always best. Flaws make it stand out. Focus on the good moments, and laugh at the stressful/bad ones. Your day will be amazing, even with those little hiccups here and there.. The important part is you're marrying the love of your life, right? The rest is just small details.
Yours Truly,
Madi
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Life, Oh crazy life..
If I'm being honest.. Yesterday was awful, Hell in fact. I mean lets face it, no matter how much people sugar coat their lives, put on those constant peppy "I'm perfect" smiles, or posts the best of themselves all over social media.. No one is perfect, everyone has bad days, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has regrets, everyone says things they don't mean, and so on.
Life is hard. It's bumpy. It's messy. And if we are being honest with ourselves, we will admit that we don't really have much control over it. I mean yes, we do make choices, we act.. But we can't help our tire going flat, or a loved one dying, or losing our job.. Or whatever it may be.. For the most part, life is just happening to us.. All we can do is just do the best with what we are given and march on.
Happiness is a choice though. Determination is also a choice. And so is resolution. And those three things are things I have chosen since yesterday, when frankly, all Hell broke loose.
I won't go into details, because, really, what's the point. I don't need anyone feelings like they should feel sorry for me, or looking down on me, or judging me. Nope. The people in my life that should know about it all, do know. And that's because they played significant rolls in it.
All I will say is that I felt utter despair, and desperation. I felt lost and alone and I did not know what to do. I reacted poorly in many instances, and others did as well.. I jumped to conclusions and situations I didn't really want but I claimed over and over that they were the only ones. Why? Because no matter how much I like to claim I have it figured out, or that I am totally emotionally mature, or that I have the answers, or that I am completely and 100% strong and secure in myself.. I am only human.. And I fall down. And no I do not have everything figured out. I may be much better off with myself and so many other things in my life than I ever was before.. But like everyone else on this little spinning marble, I have much to figure out, much to learn to admit, and a never ending journey to come with it all.
Today though, I am like a different person. And it wouldn't have happened without the events of yesterday happening first. I have decided what I want. And what I am willing to do to make it happen. I am steadfast, I am resolute, I have the clarity I lacked before, and I am ready to hit the ground sprinting.
Today I am filled with happiness, strength and the supreme sense that everything will be okay, that it'll work out. It's going to take some give and take. It may not be perfect.. But it will still be utterly beautiful. And I have the most amazing people to stand beside me.
Here I go. Reaching for the seemingly impossible. Reaching for the sun, the moon and the stars..
Because, well, what's life if we aren't willing to risk a little for our grand adventure?
Life is hard. It's bumpy. It's messy. And if we are being honest with ourselves, we will admit that we don't really have much control over it. I mean yes, we do make choices, we act.. But we can't help our tire going flat, or a loved one dying, or losing our job.. Or whatever it may be.. For the most part, life is just happening to us.. All we can do is just do the best with what we are given and march on.
Happiness is a choice though. Determination is also a choice. And so is resolution. And those three things are things I have chosen since yesterday, when frankly, all Hell broke loose.
I won't go into details, because, really, what's the point. I don't need anyone feelings like they should feel sorry for me, or looking down on me, or judging me. Nope. The people in my life that should know about it all, do know. And that's because they played significant rolls in it.
All I will say is that I felt utter despair, and desperation. I felt lost and alone and I did not know what to do. I reacted poorly in many instances, and others did as well.. I jumped to conclusions and situations I didn't really want but I claimed over and over that they were the only ones. Why? Because no matter how much I like to claim I have it figured out, or that I am totally emotionally mature, or that I have the answers, or that I am completely and 100% strong and secure in myself.. I am only human.. And I fall down. And no I do not have everything figured out. I may be much better off with myself and so many other things in my life than I ever was before.. But like everyone else on this little spinning marble, I have much to figure out, much to learn to admit, and a never ending journey to come with it all.
Today though, I am like a different person. And it wouldn't have happened without the events of yesterday happening first. I have decided what I want. And what I am willing to do to make it happen. I am steadfast, I am resolute, I have the clarity I lacked before, and I am ready to hit the ground sprinting.
Today I am filled with happiness, strength and the supreme sense that everything will be okay, that it'll work out. It's going to take some give and take. It may not be perfect.. But it will still be utterly beautiful. And I have the most amazing people to stand beside me.
Here I go. Reaching for the seemingly impossible. Reaching for the sun, the moon and the stars..
Because, well, what's life if we aren't willing to risk a little for our grand adventure?
Monday, January 5, 2015
Wedding countdown: 40 days
Oh my gosh dang diddly darn!
My wedding is in exactly 40 days.. Where did the freakin' time go! Everything has rushed by.. I swear, just yesterday I still had 8 months to plan this thing.. Now I have one month. Yikes!
I made the sad mistake of waiting so long to really do anything, now I'm basically living pay check to pay check, trying to make purchases here and final payments there.. So much to do, so little time.
Newly engaged new brides to be.. Seriously! Take some time every day to plan your wedding. I don't care if you have a full year ahead of you, plan, plan, plan! It'll sneak up on you before you know it. I cannot stress that enough..
The majority of my wedding is DIY, both because we are on a budget, and because I wanted to add a unique personalized touch to everything. And it is turning out to be even more time consuming than I had planned.. But as things are coming together I am loving it all, and getting more and more excited for my big day.. And of course the lovely cruise we have planned afterwards!
The theme of my wedding is seriously a mix of almost everything.. Shabby chic, rustic, elegance, vintage, winter, DIY, disney.. All that good stuff. Trying to pull it all together to make it look good has proven difficult in places, and I am sure it'll still prove to be difficult, but even if it isn't amazingly perfect in our guests eyes, it'll definitely be amazingly perfect for us! As the wedding gets closer and closer, and I am pumping out more and more creations, I am trying to blog and instagram all about it! So if any of you lovely ladies need a little inspiration, and you like my style, go ahead and take a look!
My instagram is Madison Memory, or walking.down.memory.lane.. Search me! Only if you're interested of course! ;)
Here's to another crazy day!
Cheers!
My wedding is in exactly 40 days.. Where did the freakin' time go! Everything has rushed by.. I swear, just yesterday I still had 8 months to plan this thing.. Now I have one month. Yikes!
I made the sad mistake of waiting so long to really do anything, now I'm basically living pay check to pay check, trying to make purchases here and final payments there.. So much to do, so little time.
Newly engaged new brides to be.. Seriously! Take some time every day to plan your wedding. I don't care if you have a full year ahead of you, plan, plan, plan! It'll sneak up on you before you know it. I cannot stress that enough..
The majority of my wedding is DIY, both because we are on a budget, and because I wanted to add a unique personalized touch to everything. And it is turning out to be even more time consuming than I had planned.. But as things are coming together I am loving it all, and getting more and more excited for my big day.. And of course the lovely cruise we have planned afterwards!
The theme of my wedding is seriously a mix of almost everything.. Shabby chic, rustic, elegance, vintage, winter, DIY, disney.. All that good stuff. Trying to pull it all together to make it look good has proven difficult in places, and I am sure it'll still prove to be difficult, but even if it isn't amazingly perfect in our guests eyes, it'll definitely be amazingly perfect for us! As the wedding gets closer and closer, and I am pumping out more and more creations, I am trying to blog and instagram all about it! So if any of you lovely ladies need a little inspiration, and you like my style, go ahead and take a look!
My instagram is Madison Memory, or walking.down.memory.lane.. Search me! Only if you're interested of course! ;)
Here's to another crazy day!
Cheers!
Monday, December 15, 2014
Insanity.. And another proposal.
Oh. My. Goodness.
This weekend was not at all what I expected. I went into it having all kinds of plans.. Get our wedding invitations finalized and start getting them put together. Print our engagement picture collage and pick them up. Finish Christmas shopping at the mall with my little sister.. And so on. It was going to be a crazy busy weekend, I was prepared for that. But I wasn't prepared for what happened instead.
Instead, on Saturday, when I was supposed to be doing my final dress fitting, after several other fittings to complete my dream wedding dress, and finally take my dress home and be done with the drives up to Salt Lake.. I got to the bridal salon, only to find out that my dress is missing because the seamstress hadn't been in the salon for half the week, and she isn't answering her phone calls. Needless to say I left the salon, with no dress, no idea what to do, and no answers. I was a very upset bride, along with other brides who had come in to pick up their dresses that day, only to find it was missing. The feeling of not knowing where your over $2,000 dollar dress is.. Yeah, not a good one.
On top of that my fiance called me to inform me that the print shop where he took my DIY invitation template (which took me hours to complete I might add) to, wouldn't print them out because we already had our paper pre-cut to the correct size for the envelopes.. I mean what is that!? Isn't that was print shops are for!? Printing things in the sizes you need, on the paper you need?? If I just wanted to print on normal paper, in the normal size.. I could do it at home! I mean, come on.
Then, I found out that the place I got our photo's printed at, had to change our pictures a bit, because they weren't going to fit the 5X7 size I had ordered how they were... I still don't know how they look, but I am hopefully going to find out today, and I am very nervous.
I felt like I was going to vomit. All this in one Saturday. A brides worst nightmare. I was losing it.
Then Sunday was even worse..
I had a full on, no control, total melt down. I couldn't do this anymore. I could not handle the stress, so much was going wrong.. And I took it out on my poor, wonderful, fiance.
Yeah. It wasn't pretty.. I'm talking it was near break up not pretty. How much more could go wrong? Only the whole fight thing, that was all me, I brought that on myself. It was totally avoidable and unneeded, and my poor man totally didn't want it. But I did it anyway.
So much was wrong. So much was hurting. So much felt impossible and unavoidable. It wasn't even just wedding stuff that felt like it was going terribly wrong. Nope. Everything just felt like it was melting away in front of me, and I had no control.
Of course that wasn't true. It's never true. It just felt like it at the time, and I had poor judgement, and I lost it..
A bad weekend, a very bad weekend.
Until the moment it was no longer bad.. In fact it was quite wonderful and incredible.
After all that, after all the ugliness.. The man of my dreams.. The most amazing man in the world (I'm sorry ladies, but you're delusional if you think yours is better).. He did the most amazing and unthinkable thing.. He got down on one knee, and proposed to me all over again. Yes it was with the same ring. Yes it was in our bedroom among some dirty laundry.. But it was the most beautiful thing ever.
We had just got done having the worst fight we have ever had. I had yelled at him horribly when he didn't deserve it. We had both been in tears... And he proposed to me again. With even more love in his eyes than he had the day he asked me to be his forever, by the wishing well in Disneyland.
He is even more incredible than I ever imagined.
Guys. Life isn't perfect. It's messy. And we will do things we regret. We will make mistakes. We will never be perfect. We will say things in the heat of the moment that we don't really mean. We are, after all, human.
But if you have the right people standing beside you, no matter how dark the day is, it will always end up okay..
In that moment Kevin gave both of us a fresh start. Maybe we got engaged too soon. Maybe we took things a bit too fast. Maybe we weren't ready even though we wanted to be when he got down on one knee in the Happiest Place On Earth... But that's okay. Because we still made it.. We've made it through a lot, and really, we've only gotten stronger.
That fight needed to happen, it was inevitable. Life hasn't been easy as of late. There's not reason to act like it's been all butterflies and rainbows, because that would be a lie. Things always happen for a reason.
We have a new start now. I feel like I am just barely engaged again. Only now we are in a much better, and much more mature place than we were almost 8 months ago..
I hope all of you ladies have the kind of man that will always want to get down on one knee again and ask you to be his. Over and over, no matter what happens. No matter where life takes you. Because that is the kind of love that everyone deserves.. Unconditional. Not just anyone would have stuck around after that.. They probably would have left...
But not Kevin.. Not him..
This weekend was not at all what I expected. I went into it having all kinds of plans.. Get our wedding invitations finalized and start getting them put together. Print our engagement picture collage and pick them up. Finish Christmas shopping at the mall with my little sister.. And so on. It was going to be a crazy busy weekend, I was prepared for that. But I wasn't prepared for what happened instead.
Instead, on Saturday, when I was supposed to be doing my final dress fitting, after several other fittings to complete my dream wedding dress, and finally take my dress home and be done with the drives up to Salt Lake.. I got to the bridal salon, only to find out that my dress is missing because the seamstress hadn't been in the salon for half the week, and she isn't answering her phone calls. Needless to say I left the salon, with no dress, no idea what to do, and no answers. I was a very upset bride, along with other brides who had come in to pick up their dresses that day, only to find it was missing. The feeling of not knowing where your over $2,000 dollar dress is.. Yeah, not a good one.
On top of that my fiance called me to inform me that the print shop where he took my DIY invitation template (which took me hours to complete I might add) to, wouldn't print them out because we already had our paper pre-cut to the correct size for the envelopes.. I mean what is that!? Isn't that was print shops are for!? Printing things in the sizes you need, on the paper you need?? If I just wanted to print on normal paper, in the normal size.. I could do it at home! I mean, come on.
Then, I found out that the place I got our photo's printed at, had to change our pictures a bit, because they weren't going to fit the 5X7 size I had ordered how they were... I still don't know how they look, but I am hopefully going to find out today, and I am very nervous.
I felt like I was going to vomit. All this in one Saturday. A brides worst nightmare. I was losing it.
Then Sunday was even worse..
I had a full on, no control, total melt down. I couldn't do this anymore. I could not handle the stress, so much was going wrong.. And I took it out on my poor, wonderful, fiance.
Yeah. It wasn't pretty.. I'm talking it was near break up not pretty. How much more could go wrong? Only the whole fight thing, that was all me, I brought that on myself. It was totally avoidable and unneeded, and my poor man totally didn't want it. But I did it anyway.
So much was wrong. So much was hurting. So much felt impossible and unavoidable. It wasn't even just wedding stuff that felt like it was going terribly wrong. Nope. Everything just felt like it was melting away in front of me, and I had no control.
Of course that wasn't true. It's never true. It just felt like it at the time, and I had poor judgement, and I lost it..
A bad weekend, a very bad weekend.
Until the moment it was no longer bad.. In fact it was quite wonderful and incredible.
After all that, after all the ugliness.. The man of my dreams.. The most amazing man in the world (I'm sorry ladies, but you're delusional if you think yours is better).. He did the most amazing and unthinkable thing.. He got down on one knee, and proposed to me all over again. Yes it was with the same ring. Yes it was in our bedroom among some dirty laundry.. But it was the most beautiful thing ever.
We had just got done having the worst fight we have ever had. I had yelled at him horribly when he didn't deserve it. We had both been in tears... And he proposed to me again. With even more love in his eyes than he had the day he asked me to be his forever, by the wishing well in Disneyland.
He is even more incredible than I ever imagined.
Guys. Life isn't perfect. It's messy. And we will do things we regret. We will make mistakes. We will never be perfect. We will say things in the heat of the moment that we don't really mean. We are, after all, human.
But if you have the right people standing beside you, no matter how dark the day is, it will always end up okay..
In that moment Kevin gave both of us a fresh start. Maybe we got engaged too soon. Maybe we took things a bit too fast. Maybe we weren't ready even though we wanted to be when he got down on one knee in the Happiest Place On Earth... But that's okay. Because we still made it.. We've made it through a lot, and really, we've only gotten stronger.
That fight needed to happen, it was inevitable. Life hasn't been easy as of late. There's not reason to act like it's been all butterflies and rainbows, because that would be a lie. Things always happen for a reason.
We have a new start now. I feel like I am just barely engaged again. Only now we are in a much better, and much more mature place than we were almost 8 months ago..
I hope all of you ladies have the kind of man that will always want to get down on one knee again and ask you to be his. Over and over, no matter what happens. No matter where life takes you. Because that is the kind of love that everyone deserves.. Unconditional. Not just anyone would have stuck around after that.. They probably would have left...
But not Kevin.. Not him..
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Let's talk about cyber bullying..
So, today I watched a movie that touched near and dear to my heart.. It's called "Cyber Bully".. Ever heard of it? I hadn't until I found it on the almighty Netflix.. And it sparked my interest.
High School wasn't the easiest part of my life.. Honestly those three years were some of the hardest, for so many reasons. Family drama, boy drama, self drama, and school drama that came right along with friend drama. But the worst, the very worst, was the bullying, and the bullying that followed me home on the Internet..
Bullying is a very serious thing that so many of us overlook. We turn our backs on it, act like it isn't there. Did you know that in most states cyber bullying is something that literally has no laws or consequences? I'm serious. They don't even count the hurtful and harmful things people say to others on the Internet as any form of harassment. Amazing, isn't it? Cyber bullying can be even worse than bullying that happens at school, or even in the work place. Why? Because even if bullying is happening at a public place, at least the victim can go home, to a safe place, but that safe place is taken away when the bullying has spread to emails and text messaging and online profiles... Then, suddenly, the victim doesn't even have that anymore.
I know how it feels to feel absolutely lost and alone.. To have all that hurt come into your life. At first you tell yourself they are just words.. Then it keeps going and going, and more and more people catch word of it, less and less people talk to you, more and more join in on making fun of you because they are afraid of being made fun of instead. Eventually it consumes you.. The words get worse and worse.. The bullying keeps going and going.. Hitting the Internet where most adults who could defend you and help you don't see it.
My story started with an argument between me and my closest friends.. An argument that lead to us no longer being friends. And those friends proceeded to lash out at me. I was called a slut, a liar, people said I would sleep with any guy that came along.. Eventually boys even started claiming I had slept with them.. Rumors went around that I would be pregnant before graduation.. I started getting harassing messages on facebook with hurtful words.. People started prank calling boys and leaving messages about wanting to have sex with them, and all sorts of disgusting things.. And then leaving my name at the end of the message.. So then I started getting messages from friends, and parents telling me to leave their sons alone..
It all spread like wild fire. No end in site. And eventually my only friend was my mom. And it hurt to realize it all stemmed back to a stupid argument between me and my "friends".. Eventually I got suicidal, like so many other victims of bullying.. Only I was one of the lucky ones who didn't succeed in going through with it.
Both in person and online bullying are real. They are ignored way too much.
High School wasn't the easiest part of my life.. Honestly those three years were some of the hardest, for so many reasons. Family drama, boy drama, self drama, and school drama that came right along with friend drama. But the worst, the very worst, was the bullying, and the bullying that followed me home on the Internet..
Bullying is a very serious thing that so many of us overlook. We turn our backs on it, act like it isn't there. Did you know that in most states cyber bullying is something that literally has no laws or consequences? I'm serious. They don't even count the hurtful and harmful things people say to others on the Internet as any form of harassment. Amazing, isn't it? Cyber bullying can be even worse than bullying that happens at school, or even in the work place. Why? Because even if bullying is happening at a public place, at least the victim can go home, to a safe place, but that safe place is taken away when the bullying has spread to emails and text messaging and online profiles... Then, suddenly, the victim doesn't even have that anymore.
I know how it feels to feel absolutely lost and alone.. To have all that hurt come into your life. At first you tell yourself they are just words.. Then it keeps going and going, and more and more people catch word of it, less and less people talk to you, more and more join in on making fun of you because they are afraid of being made fun of instead. Eventually it consumes you.. The words get worse and worse.. The bullying keeps going and going.. Hitting the Internet where most adults who could defend you and help you don't see it.
My story started with an argument between me and my closest friends.. An argument that lead to us no longer being friends. And those friends proceeded to lash out at me. I was called a slut, a liar, people said I would sleep with any guy that came along.. Eventually boys even started claiming I had slept with them.. Rumors went around that I would be pregnant before graduation.. I started getting harassing messages on facebook with hurtful words.. People started prank calling boys and leaving messages about wanting to have sex with them, and all sorts of disgusting things.. And then leaving my name at the end of the message.. So then I started getting messages from friends, and parents telling me to leave their sons alone..
It all spread like wild fire. No end in site. And eventually my only friend was my mom. And it hurt to realize it all stemmed back to a stupid argument between me and my "friends".. Eventually I got suicidal, like so many other victims of bullying.. Only I was one of the lucky ones who didn't succeed in going through with it.
Both in person and online bullying are real. They are ignored way too much.
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Ahhhh.. Weddings!
Goodness gracious!
Planning a wedding is stressful! Who knew! Besides all of you lovely women who have already been through the whole process and successfully completed it.
Sometimes, I'll be honest, I seriously consider just eloping to Vegas and having some Elvis impersonator marry us at one of those crappy drive through chapels..
But then I remind myself that my dream is to have a gorgeous and memorable wedding.. And while the whole Elvis idea would most definitely be memorable, it would be seriously lacking in the whole gorgeous department.
All I'm saying is that when planning a wedding you seem to easily forget all the things that need to be done. The big things are easy to remember. Like the venue, the dress and so on.. But what about the guest book? And the pens for the guest book?
Not to discourage any of you new lovely brides out there. Wedding planning is amazing, and it does have it's perks. All I'm saying is don't assume you have everything under control too early. Assume you are missing something. Perhaps go to a wedding that is taking place before yours (that you are invited to of course!) and take a look at everything they pulled together.
You will really be surprised by what has slipped your pretty little mind..
Or am I crazy? Am I the only engaged woman going through this faze of wedding planning? I mean I could believe it if someone told me I was. Sadly I tend to be a bit scatter brained, and a bit of a procrastinator.. Which I have come to find is a really bad thing to be when it comes to weddings!
Trust me, figuring it all out.. And having it done months before your wedding.. Is a way better idea than letting it all wait and cramming it all into a month.
Mark my words.. The ride will be a bumpy one... Worth it in the end.. But bumpy none the less!
XOXO
Madison
Planning a wedding is stressful! Who knew! Besides all of you lovely women who have already been through the whole process and successfully completed it.
Sometimes, I'll be honest, I seriously consider just eloping to Vegas and having some Elvis impersonator marry us at one of those crappy drive through chapels..
But then I remind myself that my dream is to have a gorgeous and memorable wedding.. And while the whole Elvis idea would most definitely be memorable, it would be seriously lacking in the whole gorgeous department.
All I'm saying is that when planning a wedding you seem to easily forget all the things that need to be done. The big things are easy to remember. Like the venue, the dress and so on.. But what about the guest book? And the pens for the guest book?
Not to discourage any of you new lovely brides out there. Wedding planning is amazing, and it does have it's perks. All I'm saying is don't assume you have everything under control too early. Assume you are missing something. Perhaps go to a wedding that is taking place before yours (that you are invited to of course!) and take a look at everything they pulled together.
You will really be surprised by what has slipped your pretty little mind..
Or am I crazy? Am I the only engaged woman going through this faze of wedding planning? I mean I could believe it if someone told me I was. Sadly I tend to be a bit scatter brained, and a bit of a procrastinator.. Which I have come to find is a really bad thing to be when it comes to weddings!
Trust me, figuring it all out.. And having it done months before your wedding.. Is a way better idea than letting it all wait and cramming it all into a month.
Mark my words.. The ride will be a bumpy one... Worth it in the end.. But bumpy none the less!
XOXO
Madison
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