Life. Of life. Sweet life.
I love you. I hate you. I adore you. I loath you.
Some days I can't decide exactly how I feel about you. Or exactly how to go about living with you.
I don't have you handled. And I probably never will. I don't expect to, I'm not naive, and you are ever changing.
Sometimes you make me feel crazy. Like the last few weeks for example. Living in my mind is hardly ever easy. You did after all bless me with anxiety and PTSD after certain events that unfolded years ago..
I know.. I know.. They unfolded because of me and my personal actions. But still..
So many people don't understand. They don't understand what it is like to live in a constant battlefield. They think someone like me should just simply jump the hurdle and "get over it".. Why don't the understand? Why don't they even try to understand? It isn't that simple. Never has been. Never will be. If it was I would do it. Don't they see that? No one like me wants to continue living with insanity and war zones swirling around in their head.. We don't like feeling like this. In fact, unfortunately and tragically, so many people like me commit suicide because they feel so alone and the don't know how to cope.
No. No. I am not going to ever commit suicide. I find my life to precious. I see too much good in it. Even during my bad times. So don't worry. Never you worry.. We aren't done with each other just yet!
I just wish that they could see. I wish everyone else could see.. That this is real, what I feel, what others like me feel.. It is very real. And it is very scary. For them going to work, or going out shopping is easy, often it is fun for them.. But for me it is one of the most challenging things I have to do in a day, it takes a lot of mental preparation and a lot of self motivation. As always, some days are easier than others.. And some are harder. Some days I feel normal. And some days I feel like I am being buried alive.
What do I struggle with exactly? Well I'll tell you. I have GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), PTSD, and Hypochondria.
I have struggled with Hypochondria since I was a kid.. When someone filled me in on what Cancer was. And something just slipped in my brain.. No I've never done any of it for "attention" an no I am not making fun of anyone with any disease.. It makes me sick to think that others think that of me.. If I could help it I would. If I could stop it with the snap of my fingers I would. In fact, it is extremely hard for me to admit I have this to myself, let alone other people.. Sometimes when I am 100% sure I need a doctor I don't even tell anyone, because I fear they will think I am lying.. So I just go on knowing how sick I am.. I go until the point that I am so much more ill than I ever needed to be.. All because I am embarrassed. All because people don't believe me just because I am a Hypochondriac. But let me fill you in on a little something.. Wouldn't it be better for me to get things checked out when they need to be instead of me masking them and hiding them from everyone? Wouldn't it be better to speak up so I can get to the bottom of if it is real or something in my head? Wouldn't it be better than to find out too late that I did in fact have something serious? Think about that the next time a hypochondriac comes to you for help.. I know we can get pesky.. But we don't open up to just anyone... Luckily I personally have mastered my body and what is stress and anxiety, and what isn't.. I know the difference now for myself between what is my mind and what is a real issue. I sincerely hope other Hypochondriacs can reach that point.. It wasn't easy.. And sometimes it is hard to maintain.. But I have found strength in myself, and my small support system. And for that I will always be grateful.
My GAD and PTSD are basically one in the same. They both hit me hard a few years ago after a few deeply personal events.. That I will not discuss in a public post that everyone can see. Simply because they involve other people, and I do not have the right to reveal anything about their personal lives, whether it be anonymous or not. Luckily I have also come to mostly master these two things.. But it still isn't easy living in my head with them. I relapse sometimes. It's funny how a moment I haven't thought of for months can come raging back sometimes, like it never left. I don't know exactly what triggers it.. I am still trying to master that..
No I will not use a pill. I believe that whatever was created with your mind in the first place can be fixed again with your mind. Simple, yet so complicated. The mind and body are extremely powerful. If they were powerful enough to create the anxiety.. They can be powerful enough to over come it. Not that I don't need help sometimes.. Between my lovely small circle of people who have always supported me and helped me.. And natural remedies like teas, meditation, aromatherapy, and acupressure... I have become so much better. So much stronger.
I believe that some of the strongest people deal with some form of anxiety. Simply because the weak couldn't take it. They would crumble.. That may sound harsh. And maybe it isn't true.. But I believe it. Simply because I know how hard it is to live with it.. I know how strong I have had to be at so many points in my life.. And I watch fellow sufferers do the same. We are not weak people as some would choose to believe.. We embody strength.
Anxiety is real. PTSD is real. They are diagnoseable. Before the next time you tell someone to "get over it"please think twice.. They wish they could. They wish it was that simple.. Oh how the wish that.. And if they have opened up to you with this, it is a huge thing for them. It means they trust you more than anyone else.. And it hurts them more than you could imagine when you are so cold towards them. People like me don't want this. We want to get better. And we are trying, every day. Whether someone is taking meds for it, or they are like me and going natural.. They are trying. Please be kind.
I live in a battlefield every day. And that battlefield is my mind.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Have Courage & Be Kind
You know, some people say to be kind whenever possible.. Take the higher road, whenever possible... Well I personally believe it is always possible to be kind, to take the higher road (even if it is the one less traveled).. I believe it is always 100% possible for us to be better than we were yesterday, more accepting and open to people than modern society dictates we should be.. And I believe it is more than possible to have to courage to do what is right, even if it isn't the "popular" thing.
I write this post because lately there has been a ridiculous power struggle between people who are for gay rights, and people who are not. And there is a power struggle between those who are still against the idea of blacks having just as many rights as whites do, and those who think the segregation needs to end. There is a power struggle between two totally different opinions, that are both being claimed as fact. There is a constant misconception that we are all living in the same reality, when in fact reality is only in the eye of the individual beholder.
Everything is seen differently from one person to the next. We are all very unique. We all feel pain differently. We all see things at different worth's. We all perceive this planet Earth, and our lives, and our purpose here, and whether or not there is a God or it is all simply just science very, very differently. And isn't that a beautiful thing? Or at least, shouldn't it be? Shouldn't we find excitement and joy in what different lessons, thoughts, and perceptions each individual person could bring into our lives? But yet, instead we are far too busy trying to find their "weaknesses", ways they are "less" than us, things they are doing "wrong".. Even the man who claims to be nothing but "Christ-Like" is out there trying to tear his neighbor down.. Simply because, lets say, his neighbor is atheist, and he is very religious, so in this mans eye's his neighbor is going straight to Hell.. And therefore should be avoided at all costs.. Because well, who needs that in their lives right? It's either avoidance and bad treatment.. Or this man is spending way too much time trying to change his neighbor into something he is not.. And this man is way too preoccupied with these thoughts to realize all of the amazing things about his neighbor.. Instead there is only one label, and that is atheist.. And that is all this man sees...
All people see is one thing before they give up. We label people. And one little label puts an end to everything else that could be.. Someone is black. White. Gay. Catholic. Hispanic. Bi. LDS. Atheist. Hippie. Business man. Thief. Hobo... Sure we have many labels. Labels that encompass everything. Every walk of live. And for some reason because we have so many different labels.. We have come to view that as us treating everyone equally. We have tricked ourselves into thinking we are somehow coexisting peacefully..
So why then are there still wars? Why is there fear that the black man walking down the street will rob you, but not the white man? Why do Hispanics huddle into small groups together and talk in Spanish about the white girl walking by? Why are all the religions so determined they are the only right ones that they are willing to send people out in order to attempt to make everyone see things the way they do, because they believe other people seeing things differently are just dead wrong? Why do people think gays choose to be gay, and are somehow untouchable, when they know nothing about what it is like to live in the other persons body? Why do men still think women can't keep up with them? Why is there feminism instead of just plain old human rights? Why do girls constantly compete with one and other to be skinnier, prettier, more fit, and better dressed? Why is one person deemed beautiful and the other ugly? Why is there still clicks and bullying in schools?
How have we not realized how far we still have to go?
Why instead of saying or thinking "Oh he's a Jew." or "Oh she's fat.", don't we see and think of each other as the only thing that really matters?.. And that is the fact that we are human.
Why should anything else matter? Why do we panic when something or someone new comes along and we don't have a label or a name for it?
Just imagine a world with no labels.. With no segregation.. With no difference between black rights, or female rights, and basic human rights.. Imagine a world full of acceptance, true acceptance.. A place where people are people, and that was it..
If we spent more time on building each other up, instead of tearing each other down.. We would be so much better off. There wouldn't be nearly as much contention. Self esteem would be boosted. Bullying would stop. Children would no longer be taught judgement and hatred at such young ages..
The world is such a sad and harsh place right now..
So why are we waiting to fix it? Why are we waiting to be kind? Why do we think it isn't always possible to be better, when that isn't true?
It's always possible.. And tomorrow is a new day.. Maybe you should try to make a difference, and be different.. Take a step toward ending the segregation.
It's not about gay rights, or black rights, or female rights.. Or whether or not science is correct, or Mormon's are correct, or Catholics are correct, or Buddhists are correct.. Or about a woman or a man being better than the other.. It never was. It never should have been. And the sooner we realize that, the better.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
You and your spouse should fight..
Every week since the day Kevin and I got married, a very intelligent lawyer where I work would ask me teasingly "are you still married!?" and every time I'd answer with a quick, heartfelt and enthusiastic "yes, sir!". I never really thought much of it, because if you know this man, then know know he's kind of a jokester. Always teasing and pushing peoples buttons. So, naturally, I only ever thought of it as a simple teasing question, just like when he'd tease me because I'd sometimes be in that office at unusual hours or days and he'd say "you're throwing my whole internal clock off Madi!"..
But yesterday something very different happened.. Something that totally threw me off my game. Instead of him asking "are you still married!?" he asked "are you two arguing lots!?". I was totally thrown. And I was even more thrown by the fact that he was being completely serious, without a hint or trace of the usual playful gleam in his eye. I just kind of sat there, sputtering and looking at him, not completely sure what to say. Finally I managed to say "Umm, yeah we've argued some. But it isn't like it's all the time or anything!" he responded with a quick "Oh I'm so glad you can admit that!" and with a full, and genuine smile plastered on his face, he walked away.
This little encounter with the man I've grown to refer to as my "work father figure" really had me bugged. For the next couple hours I just sat there brewing up all sorts of scenarios.. Did he some how think my marriage was falling apart after only 2 months? Did he think Kevin and I weren't well suited for each other? Or just a couple of bickering idiots? And how did he think he had the right to judge us as a couple so quickly!? Obviously none of these thoughts or feelings were doing any good for me. I was simply getting myself completely upset over what I was assuming this man might think.. And we all know what assuming does.. "Makes an ass out of you and me"
Then later he came back to my desk and said something like this "So many people today think the key to a healthy marriage, or relationship, is to never argue or have differences. They think it's impressive to quickly tell everyone they never fight with their significant other. When really, burying your differences can more often be the worse thing. All I really hear when someone tells me "Oh I never argue with my spouse!" is "I'm totally afraid to open up to them because I fear what they will think of me or what they will say.. And I don't want it to get ugly". Not fighting isn't a strength, it isn't an asset. It is often the first sign of a weakened marriage. And the feeling of needing to hide the fact that you sometimes argue isn't much better either. You are two completely different people, who will always see the world completely differently. It's nothing short of ridiculous to expect to always get along seamlessly. Arguing isn't a sign of an unhealthy marriage. In fact, the opposite is true. If a day ever comes when you feel you can no longer completely honestly be yourself around your spouse and express your feelings, thoughts, concerns, and differences with your husband because you fear what he will think, or how he will react, or that maybe it'll make your marriage crumble.. THAT is when you should be concerned. The happiest marriages I have seen are the ones that openly and willingly (if not happily) admit they are flawed, but can still honestly say they continue to love each other more and more every day. Don't be ashamed of any argument you've ever had. They are gifts. Knowledge that no matter what, you two continue to come out stronger. Now with all that said, I don't think you should have knock down drag out fights. You shouldn't scream or yell. Because the key will always be to continue to be kind and empathetic towards one and other. Always try to put yourself in his shoes and see his side, even if you don't agree with it. And always make sure he is doing the same for you. Some fights will end in an agreeable conclusion, others will never really be solved.. And that's okay. It's all okay. The first year will be the toughest, you're still testing the waters and boundaries. Learning how the other really ticks. But don't hide from it or run from it. Embrace it. You could learn so much about the world through him, and he through you.". Then he smiled and walked away again.
Honestly.. I don't think this amazing advice could have come to me at a better time. Now before you go assuming the worst about my marriage.. No, Kevin and I do not fight like cats and dogs, and yes I am still madly head over heels in love. Marrying him was the best decision I have made. But yes.. We have had our share of arguments. And yes, I have been embarrassed to admit that. And yes, I have sometimes wondered if something is wrong in our marriage..
In today's society we are so quick to cover up any flaws in our lives. So quick to just graze over those bumps in the road like they never happened. So quick to put on the perfect face, the perfect smiles, claiming that absolutely nothing is ever wrong or tense. No one wants to be the first to admit that things aren't really always perfect. Sometimes it's hard. No one ever comes up to you to say "don't worry.. you're normal.. Life is messy" instead they come up and tell you all about their perfect day, with their perfect marriage, and how seamlessly life is going for them.. And with the continuously growing social media platform this facade is getting worse and worse. People only post pictures of the best side of themselves. When their make up is all perfect and their families are in a good mood.. They only post status's about promotions at work, or their huge fantastic vacations.. No one ever posts about the behind the scenes.. Like when their kids are covered in dirt and tracking it through the house, or they got fired from their job, or they are having an argument with their significant other, or how they may have just lost their dream house. No one admits that it's okay to be human..
And it felt so good to hear someone genuinely tell me that it's all okay. It was amazing to know I'm normal and that my not so perfect, messy, scattered, "still working on it" life is okay..
The advice this man gave me can be so good for so many aspects of life. It isn't healthy to cover it all up.. Be ashamed and hide it. We all fall down. We all disagree with others.. And we are all just trying our very best with what we have. Being in competition to always be better than our neighbor just makes it all that much worse. Living in this fast paced ever changing world isn't easy, and it's so nice to just let go sometimes.
My name is Madison, I am newly married to the love of my life, and yes I argue with him. I do not have my dream job, but I am working towards it daily. Every day presents a new challenge, and sometimes I really just don't want to get out of bed. I don't always look put together with all my make up and my cutest clothes on. I cry, I get angry, I get grumpy, and sometimes I take it out on others. I don't have my dream house, or lots of money.. I am flawed. I am human. And it's OKAY..
But yesterday something very different happened.. Something that totally threw me off my game. Instead of him asking "are you still married!?" he asked "are you two arguing lots!?". I was totally thrown. And I was even more thrown by the fact that he was being completely serious, without a hint or trace of the usual playful gleam in his eye. I just kind of sat there, sputtering and looking at him, not completely sure what to say. Finally I managed to say "Umm, yeah we've argued some. But it isn't like it's all the time or anything!" he responded with a quick "Oh I'm so glad you can admit that!" and with a full, and genuine smile plastered on his face, he walked away.
This little encounter with the man I've grown to refer to as my "work father figure" really had me bugged. For the next couple hours I just sat there brewing up all sorts of scenarios.. Did he some how think my marriage was falling apart after only 2 months? Did he think Kevin and I weren't well suited for each other? Or just a couple of bickering idiots? And how did he think he had the right to judge us as a couple so quickly!? Obviously none of these thoughts or feelings were doing any good for me. I was simply getting myself completely upset over what I was assuming this man might think.. And we all know what assuming does.. "Makes an ass out of you and me"
Then later he came back to my desk and said something like this "So many people today think the key to a healthy marriage, or relationship, is to never argue or have differences. They think it's impressive to quickly tell everyone they never fight with their significant other. When really, burying your differences can more often be the worse thing. All I really hear when someone tells me "Oh I never argue with my spouse!" is "I'm totally afraid to open up to them because I fear what they will think of me or what they will say.. And I don't want it to get ugly". Not fighting isn't a strength, it isn't an asset. It is often the first sign of a weakened marriage. And the feeling of needing to hide the fact that you sometimes argue isn't much better either. You are two completely different people, who will always see the world completely differently. It's nothing short of ridiculous to expect to always get along seamlessly. Arguing isn't a sign of an unhealthy marriage. In fact, the opposite is true. If a day ever comes when you feel you can no longer completely honestly be yourself around your spouse and express your feelings, thoughts, concerns, and differences with your husband because you fear what he will think, or how he will react, or that maybe it'll make your marriage crumble.. THAT is when you should be concerned. The happiest marriages I have seen are the ones that openly and willingly (if not happily) admit they are flawed, but can still honestly say they continue to love each other more and more every day. Don't be ashamed of any argument you've ever had. They are gifts. Knowledge that no matter what, you two continue to come out stronger. Now with all that said, I don't think you should have knock down drag out fights. You shouldn't scream or yell. Because the key will always be to continue to be kind and empathetic towards one and other. Always try to put yourself in his shoes and see his side, even if you don't agree with it. And always make sure he is doing the same for you. Some fights will end in an agreeable conclusion, others will never really be solved.. And that's okay. It's all okay. The first year will be the toughest, you're still testing the waters and boundaries. Learning how the other really ticks. But don't hide from it or run from it. Embrace it. You could learn so much about the world through him, and he through you.". Then he smiled and walked away again.
Honestly.. I don't think this amazing advice could have come to me at a better time. Now before you go assuming the worst about my marriage.. No, Kevin and I do not fight like cats and dogs, and yes I am still madly head over heels in love. Marrying him was the best decision I have made. But yes.. We have had our share of arguments. And yes, I have been embarrassed to admit that. And yes, I have sometimes wondered if something is wrong in our marriage..
In today's society we are so quick to cover up any flaws in our lives. So quick to just graze over those bumps in the road like they never happened. So quick to put on the perfect face, the perfect smiles, claiming that absolutely nothing is ever wrong or tense. No one wants to be the first to admit that things aren't really always perfect. Sometimes it's hard. No one ever comes up to you to say "don't worry.. you're normal.. Life is messy" instead they come up and tell you all about their perfect day, with their perfect marriage, and how seamlessly life is going for them.. And with the continuously growing social media platform this facade is getting worse and worse. People only post pictures of the best side of themselves. When their make up is all perfect and their families are in a good mood.. They only post status's about promotions at work, or their huge fantastic vacations.. No one ever posts about the behind the scenes.. Like when their kids are covered in dirt and tracking it through the house, or they got fired from their job, or they are having an argument with their significant other, or how they may have just lost their dream house. No one admits that it's okay to be human..
And it felt so good to hear someone genuinely tell me that it's all okay. It was amazing to know I'm normal and that my not so perfect, messy, scattered, "still working on it" life is okay..
The advice this man gave me can be so good for so many aspects of life. It isn't healthy to cover it all up.. Be ashamed and hide it. We all fall down. We all disagree with others.. And we are all just trying our very best with what we have. Being in competition to always be better than our neighbor just makes it all that much worse. Living in this fast paced ever changing world isn't easy, and it's so nice to just let go sometimes.
My name is Madison, I am newly married to the love of my life, and yes I argue with him. I do not have my dream job, but I am working towards it daily. Every day presents a new challenge, and sometimes I really just don't want to get out of bed. I don't always look put together with all my make up and my cutest clothes on. I cry, I get angry, I get grumpy, and sometimes I take it out on others. I don't have my dream house, or lots of money.. I am flawed. I am human. And it's OKAY..
Thursday, April 2, 2015
#JUSTICEFORBURBERRY
As many of you know, I am a HUGE advocate and mouth piece for ending the discrimination against Pit-bull's. I am also just an all around ENORMOUS animal lover (especially when it comes to dogs).. So when I hear a story like Burberry's, I jump in wholeheartedly to try and do what I can.
I also want to scream in massive frustration over the fact that injustice's and tragedies like this are still out there happening. There are probably countless other stories like Burberry's that have passed by without us even noticing. The world is, after all, a cruel place.. We may not be able to change or stop it all, but we can definitely have an impact for the better.
Burberry was a service dog from California. He had a more than loving owner and loved working with special needs kids. All you have to do is look up pictures of Burberry on Google to know he was nothing but a sweet soul, with an absolute love for life, and his owner. But Burberry's awesome life was ended too quickly when a police officer on a call wrongfully shot this amazing dog.
When the police arrived at Burberry's house around 5:30 AM Burberry did what any dog would do: try to protect his house, and his people. So, naturally he barked at what he saw as "intruders". Burberry then ran out of the house continually barking at the officer's. One of the men stooped down the pet sweet Burberry, and Burberry proceeded to calm down about the situation. While one officer did not react so kindly.. And when Burberry didn't respond exactly how the officer wanted (because a dog is a dog, not a human, you cannot expect them to understand the same way we do)the man proceeded to shoot Burberry in the head.. Quickly ending the dogs life.
The mourning owner spent 2 or so hours hugging Burberry's body out on the drive way of his house.
So far the police department has not issued an apology for this tragedy they have caused. And they still refuse to go to training on how to deal with dogs on calls in order to lessen the amount of times a dog needs to be shot.
Please look into joining this justice for Burberry movement. On any social media you post to about this just use #justiceforburberry.. And go sign the petition that is linked in this article: http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2015/mar/19/sdpd-shoots-dog-justice-for-burberry/
Pit-Bulls should no longer be discriminated against this way simply because of how they look. And no dog should have to be shot simply because they are confused and scared. My heart truly goes out to Burberry's owner.. I ache for him. I cannot imagine how devastating this massive loss is. A dog is truly a man's best friend.. And pits are among some of the best dogs out there.
Judge the deed! Not the Breed!
#justiceforburberry
I also want to scream in massive frustration over the fact that injustice's and tragedies like this are still out there happening. There are probably countless other stories like Burberry's that have passed by without us even noticing. The world is, after all, a cruel place.. We may not be able to change or stop it all, but we can definitely have an impact for the better.
Burberry was a service dog from California. He had a more than loving owner and loved working with special needs kids. All you have to do is look up pictures of Burberry on Google to know he was nothing but a sweet soul, with an absolute love for life, and his owner. But Burberry's awesome life was ended too quickly when a police officer on a call wrongfully shot this amazing dog.
When the police arrived at Burberry's house around 5:30 AM Burberry did what any dog would do: try to protect his house, and his people. So, naturally he barked at what he saw as "intruders". Burberry then ran out of the house continually barking at the officer's. One of the men stooped down the pet sweet Burberry, and Burberry proceeded to calm down about the situation. While one officer did not react so kindly.. And when Burberry didn't respond exactly how the officer wanted (because a dog is a dog, not a human, you cannot expect them to understand the same way we do)the man proceeded to shoot Burberry in the head.. Quickly ending the dogs life.
The mourning owner spent 2 or so hours hugging Burberry's body out on the drive way of his house.
So far the police department has not issued an apology for this tragedy they have caused. And they still refuse to go to training on how to deal with dogs on calls in order to lessen the amount of times a dog needs to be shot.
Please look into joining this justice for Burberry movement. On any social media you post to about this just use #justiceforburberry.. And go sign the petition that is linked in this article: http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2015/mar/19/sdpd-shoots-dog-justice-for-burberry/
Pit-Bulls should no longer be discriminated against this way simply because of how they look. And no dog should have to be shot simply because they are confused and scared. My heart truly goes out to Burberry's owner.. I ache for him. I cannot imagine how devastating this massive loss is. A dog is truly a man's best friend.. And pits are among some of the best dogs out there.
Judge the deed! Not the Breed!
#justiceforburberry
Monday, March 23, 2015
Why Porn Doesn't Have To Kill Love..
So, lately I have been seeing a lot of posts on the new movement "Porn Kills Love". It's all about speaking out against porn and the damage it can cause to a person and their families/loved ones. And it's been really making me think about my stance on the whole topic and the message this new group is trying to get across.
Now, let my start by saying, I personally do not condone porn. I in no way think it is an okay thing. In fact I think it is very demeaning to any woman or man who participates in it, and I think it is very sad and quite awful that people watch it so regularly and get so addicted to it. Porn is the new drug, there is no doubt about it. You can get addicted to it just like you can get addicted to alcohol or any form of drugs.. I find porn a very disgusting industry.. So with that said, I would now like to tell you my take on why, even though I hate porn, it doesn't need to kill love.
When you think of other addictions such as the ones I stated above (alcohol and drugs) do you think of them killing love? Do you no longer love the people who are close to you in your life that are addicts of some kind? Do you think they no longer love you? I know I certainly don't. I have dealt with a few people very close to me being addicts, and I have watched some of my friends deal with family members as addicts. And while none of it is easy, for either the addict or the loved one, the addiction has never been the thing to kill love.. From what I have seen, the only thing to ever kill love is a person giving up on someone else, and walking away.
I am not saying walking away is always a bad option. Sometimes it is needed. But in my opinion, it should never be the first thing that is done. And your walking away should never be blamed on the addiction itself, it can only ever really be blamed on you. Your decision. Your action. No addiction out there has ever MADE someone give up. It has never MADE someone walk away. No one, and no thing out there can be held responsible for you, except you.
When someone in my life is struggling with any addiction, my first reaction, out of love, is to help them in the ways I can. Encourage them to find help. Talk to them when they need to talk something out. Be there for them if they relapse.
Dealing with an addiction cannot be an easy thing. It is usually a time when someone really needs loving people in there lives helping them get through it. Not having them walk away.
Why should the addiction to porn be viewed as any worse than any other addiction out there? Video games? Alcohol? Drugs? Shopping? Every addiction can be just as damaging as the next. It may appear in different ways, but it can all be devastating in the end. Just because your husband or boyfriend watches porn, doesn't instantly mean he doesn't love you. It just means he has a problem and he needs help.. Often YOUR help. Being the bigger person, stepping up and helping them in their desperate time of need is often the best thing you can do..
I do not believe that many people who view or even read porn are walking into it with the intentions to hurt anyone.. Nor do I believe they ever stop loving anyone because of it either. Often times the way people ever even start viewing porn is by mistake, and it spirals out of control from there..
If I ever found out my husband was having an issue with porn, my first step would be to let him know it is okay for him to come to me for help with it. I wouldn't scream and yell, I wouldn't threaten a divorce.. Yes, I would let him know I was disappointed and that I don't believe porn is okay.. But I would never stop loving him because of it. Instead I'd use the love we have for each other to help both of us through the hard process of trying to get him past the addiction. I feel like that is the best thing I could do for him if he ever had that issue.
Porn does many things, it is many things.. But killing love is not one of those things. Not from what I've seen, and not from what I ever think I'll see. In my opinion I believe that is one of the most cruel ways you could put it. A lot of people struggling with it are already feeling bad enough about life and about themselves.. They do not need people telling them they are killing love for anyone on top of it all. That is much too harsh.
So, by all means, speak out against porn. Be involved in movements to stop this ridiculous industry. But there is no need to be harsh about it. No need to leave someone struggling with it in the dust and all alone.
Just some things to maybe think about.
Now, let my start by saying, I personally do not condone porn. I in no way think it is an okay thing. In fact I think it is very demeaning to any woman or man who participates in it, and I think it is very sad and quite awful that people watch it so regularly and get so addicted to it. Porn is the new drug, there is no doubt about it. You can get addicted to it just like you can get addicted to alcohol or any form of drugs.. I find porn a very disgusting industry.. So with that said, I would now like to tell you my take on why, even though I hate porn, it doesn't need to kill love.
When you think of other addictions such as the ones I stated above (alcohol and drugs) do you think of them killing love? Do you no longer love the people who are close to you in your life that are addicts of some kind? Do you think they no longer love you? I know I certainly don't. I have dealt with a few people very close to me being addicts, and I have watched some of my friends deal with family members as addicts. And while none of it is easy, for either the addict or the loved one, the addiction has never been the thing to kill love.. From what I have seen, the only thing to ever kill love is a person giving up on someone else, and walking away.
I am not saying walking away is always a bad option. Sometimes it is needed. But in my opinion, it should never be the first thing that is done. And your walking away should never be blamed on the addiction itself, it can only ever really be blamed on you. Your decision. Your action. No addiction out there has ever MADE someone give up. It has never MADE someone walk away. No one, and no thing out there can be held responsible for you, except you.
When someone in my life is struggling with any addiction, my first reaction, out of love, is to help them in the ways I can. Encourage them to find help. Talk to them when they need to talk something out. Be there for them if they relapse.
Dealing with an addiction cannot be an easy thing. It is usually a time when someone really needs loving people in there lives helping them get through it. Not having them walk away.
Why should the addiction to porn be viewed as any worse than any other addiction out there? Video games? Alcohol? Drugs? Shopping? Every addiction can be just as damaging as the next. It may appear in different ways, but it can all be devastating in the end. Just because your husband or boyfriend watches porn, doesn't instantly mean he doesn't love you. It just means he has a problem and he needs help.. Often YOUR help. Being the bigger person, stepping up and helping them in their desperate time of need is often the best thing you can do..
I do not believe that many people who view or even read porn are walking into it with the intentions to hurt anyone.. Nor do I believe they ever stop loving anyone because of it either. Often times the way people ever even start viewing porn is by mistake, and it spirals out of control from there..
If I ever found out my husband was having an issue with porn, my first step would be to let him know it is okay for him to come to me for help with it. I wouldn't scream and yell, I wouldn't threaten a divorce.. Yes, I would let him know I was disappointed and that I don't believe porn is okay.. But I would never stop loving him because of it. Instead I'd use the love we have for each other to help both of us through the hard process of trying to get him past the addiction. I feel like that is the best thing I could do for him if he ever had that issue.
Porn does many things, it is many things.. But killing love is not one of those things. Not from what I've seen, and not from what I ever think I'll see. In my opinion I believe that is one of the most cruel ways you could put it. A lot of people struggling with it are already feeling bad enough about life and about themselves.. They do not need people telling them they are killing love for anyone on top of it all. That is much too harsh.
So, by all means, speak out against porn. Be involved in movements to stop this ridiculous industry. But there is no need to be harsh about it. No need to leave someone struggling with it in the dust and all alone.
Just some things to maybe think about.
Monday, March 16, 2015
Why those 27 things to do before you get married may, or may not, be right for you..
Dear friends,
For the longest time I used to be one of the most skeptical people out there about getting married young.. I used to be just as bad as most at passing judgement on to those who got married at 20 and giggling about all the things they would "no longer" be able to do in their life.
But, here I am, married at 21. No much better than being married at 20, huh? And while I still do think you should at least have a couple years out of High School before you should jump on that wagon of bridal bliss, maybe seriously date a few people before you claim your first and only boyfriend is "the one".. I now scoff at all those silly blogs and articles full of "27 things you need to do before getting married!" or "why you'll regret getting married young". I seriously never thought I'd be this person that is all for getting married young.. Don't get me wrong, I still do think there are certain things you should know or do or be before you get married at a young age.. Marriage is hard (in all the right ways), it takes maturity, the ability to equally think about your spouses needs along with your own, a great deal of selflessness and compromise.. It isn't something you should jump into with just anyone.. And it shouldn't be done if you aren't ready for a true adult world. Your life will not be all play and no work, it will not be all about you any more.. And you definitely should not have to raise each other. Please do be honest with yourself in the whole decision making process required before you say "I do".. It isn't just all about the wedding day. A marriage is much bigger than that, and the wedding day is gone in the blink of an eye.
With all that said, I would just like to say.. There is no such thing as 27 things you need to do before you get married or they will never ever happen.. Getting married is not a prison, it does not stop you from being you and exploring life.. All it does is give you a partner to do those things with, someone to enjoy experiences with, someone to laugh with, to cry with, to explore with, and so much more. If you view marriage as something that holds you back and inhibits you, I honestly don't know if it will ever be for you no matter what age you are.
When going into a marriage look at it as an extension in your life. Something to help you grow and discover new ways of living. In my opinion, if you have chosen the correct person, your true partner in crime, marriage can add so much happiness to your life.
I know i haven't been married long at all, so I am in no way an authority figure on the subject. But I also chose to walk into this wide eyed, and ready for the best. This is a new chapter in my life. And I am so excited to explore it with Kevin. I choose to still do all of those adventurous things, the only difference is I'll have my best friend with me.
I choose to still go skydiving, travel to Europe, go backpacking, discover new music, watch a TV show I've never heard of, try new food/restaurants, go on scavenger hunts... And so much more. I will still be spontaneous, happy and fulfilled.. I will still shoot for my dream jobs and go for my goals. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is holding me back from any of that. Kevin isn't, where I live isn't.. Nothing. I can still dare to dream and shoot for the stars. And the only thing Kevin is going to do is encourage me, help me along the way, offer ideas and advice, and continue to love me just as much as he does now.. And I will do the exact same thing for him.
Our future as a married couple is bright and exciting. I have never doubted that it would be through any of the engagement process, or through this first month of marriage. Really, my life hasn't changed much ever since I said "I do" the only thing different is I have my absolute best friend right there next to me every morning, ready to give me a big bear hug and the worlds biggest kiss attack..
Just be smart. Do what is right for you. Don't let social media convince you that you need to get married young, or that you shouldn't get married young. Really, it's all just your own perception, and your own needs at the time. Be honest with yourself about what you want. Do it for the right reasons, not the superficial ones, or the ones people are telling you to have. But either way, don't feel bad about it, and don't make others feel bad about what they've chosen either.
So, is young marriage right or wrong for you?
For me, it was one of the best decisions I have made so far..
Oh, and here's a big Happy One Month Anniversary shout out to my honey, Kevin! We hit one official month of marriage this past Saturday (the 14th).. And we are still going strong ;)
For the longest time I used to be one of the most skeptical people out there about getting married young.. I used to be just as bad as most at passing judgement on to those who got married at 20 and giggling about all the things they would "no longer" be able to do in their life.
But, here I am, married at 21. No much better than being married at 20, huh? And while I still do think you should at least have a couple years out of High School before you should jump on that wagon of bridal bliss, maybe seriously date a few people before you claim your first and only boyfriend is "the one".. I now scoff at all those silly blogs and articles full of "27 things you need to do before getting married!" or "why you'll regret getting married young". I seriously never thought I'd be this person that is all for getting married young.. Don't get me wrong, I still do think there are certain things you should know or do or be before you get married at a young age.. Marriage is hard (in all the right ways), it takes maturity, the ability to equally think about your spouses needs along with your own, a great deal of selflessness and compromise.. It isn't something you should jump into with just anyone.. And it shouldn't be done if you aren't ready for a true adult world. Your life will not be all play and no work, it will not be all about you any more.. And you definitely should not have to raise each other. Please do be honest with yourself in the whole decision making process required before you say "I do".. It isn't just all about the wedding day. A marriage is much bigger than that, and the wedding day is gone in the blink of an eye.
With all that said, I would just like to say.. There is no such thing as 27 things you need to do before you get married or they will never ever happen.. Getting married is not a prison, it does not stop you from being you and exploring life.. All it does is give you a partner to do those things with, someone to enjoy experiences with, someone to laugh with, to cry with, to explore with, and so much more. If you view marriage as something that holds you back and inhibits you, I honestly don't know if it will ever be for you no matter what age you are.
When going into a marriage look at it as an extension in your life. Something to help you grow and discover new ways of living. In my opinion, if you have chosen the correct person, your true partner in crime, marriage can add so much happiness to your life.
I know i haven't been married long at all, so I am in no way an authority figure on the subject. But I also chose to walk into this wide eyed, and ready for the best. This is a new chapter in my life. And I am so excited to explore it with Kevin. I choose to still do all of those adventurous things, the only difference is I'll have my best friend with me.
I choose to still go skydiving, travel to Europe, go backpacking, discover new music, watch a TV show I've never heard of, try new food/restaurants, go on scavenger hunts... And so much more. I will still be spontaneous, happy and fulfilled.. I will still shoot for my dream jobs and go for my goals. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is holding me back from any of that. Kevin isn't, where I live isn't.. Nothing. I can still dare to dream and shoot for the stars. And the only thing Kevin is going to do is encourage me, help me along the way, offer ideas and advice, and continue to love me just as much as he does now.. And I will do the exact same thing for him.
Our future as a married couple is bright and exciting. I have never doubted that it would be through any of the engagement process, or through this first month of marriage. Really, my life hasn't changed much ever since I said "I do" the only thing different is I have my absolute best friend right there next to me every morning, ready to give me a big bear hug and the worlds biggest kiss attack..
Just be smart. Do what is right for you. Don't let social media convince you that you need to get married young, or that you shouldn't get married young. Really, it's all just your own perception, and your own needs at the time. Be honest with yourself about what you want. Do it for the right reasons, not the superficial ones, or the ones people are telling you to have. But either way, don't feel bad about it, and don't make others feel bad about what they've chosen either.
So, is young marriage right or wrong for you?
For me, it was one of the best decisions I have made so far..
Oh, and here's a big Happy One Month Anniversary shout out to my honey, Kevin! We hit one official month of marriage this past Saturday (the 14th).. And we are still going strong ;)
Monday, March 2, 2015
Dear Lover,
Dear lover, care taker, husband, best friend, and high light to my day..
Dear Kevin..
I have so much I want to say to you, and not enough words to capture it all...
Everyone warned me that after the engagement excitement, and the months and months of wedding planning, the big day, and the being whisked off to a much needed honeymoon right after it all, I'd feel a lull and a kind of depression/down time.. Because after all that hype for so long it just suddenly stops.. No warning, no gradual descent.. It's just over.. And then what do you do? For so long the purpose was pulling that wedding together.. For so long it was all about running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and not nearly enough time in the day.. Then all of a sudden, BAM, life is just normal and mundane, back to the old grind, almost like none of that fairy tale time ever happened.
And I'll admit, it has hit me a little bit.. But I wouldn't call it depression, just a slight lull in life. We have our new apartment, our big day has come and gone, our honeymoon has also come and gone.. And I see couples getting newly engaged, or just barely seeing their engagement pictures for the first time, and I miss that feeling. That extreme high that gives you amazing butterflies in your stomach everyday, there is truly nothing like it. But has this feeling smashed me and totally taken over my life like some people would of had me believe it would do? No. Simply no. Why? Well, it's because of you. There is a whole new kind of excitement in my life now..
I didn't say yes when you got down on one knee almost a year ago in Disneyland only because I just wanted a wedding day.. I wanted a marriage. I wanted you. You and me forever, taking on the world together as an unstoppable duo. I wanted to wake up to your disheveled hair and little grumblings in the morning. I wanted to feel your warm arms wrap completely around me protectively in the biggest bear hug ever everyday for the rest of my life.. I didn't want to ever miss seeing the wonderful gleam in your eye whenever you see a new Lego set.. Or miss hearing your extremely contagious laugh echo through the halls of the house... Or have to fondly remember the way you crack yourself up whenever you tell a joke. I wanted all of you, everyday, for the rest of forever, just like you wanted all of me. Flaws, bad hair days, and all.
You are everything to me and more. Yes it is slightly impossible to not feel a slight low after all that hype. But all it is for me is a slight change in pace. Because we still have so much to look forward to in life together. So many more firsts and exciting things to come for us. And when I think of that, or wake up to your amazing eyes looking right back at me.. I get a new kind of excitement in my stomach.
I am so excited to get our first house together.. To buy our first dog together... Our first nice car.. Our first child.. Our first trip to Disney World, or a Disney Cruise.. And so many more amazing firsts. So much of this amazing life to take on with my partner in crime right by my side.
I am so overjoyed that I married you. And I will always look back fondly on this time in our lives. But I am much more excited to really get our lives together going.. The possibilities are endless!
I love you, Kevin, to the moon and back. You're the peanut butter to my jelly, the Han to my Leia, the butterflies in my belly, the apple to my pie, the Merry to my Pippin, the John to my Sherlock, the straw to my berry, the Westley to my Buttercup, the Nutella to my bread, the hazelnut to my coffee, the Sam to my Dean, the Link to my Zelda, the Arthur to my Merlin, the pep in my step, the sun to my shine, the vanilla to my coke, the peanut butter to my chocolate, the whipped cream to my ice cream.. You're the Forever to my Always..
I know the rest of my life is going to be a fairy-tale, because you are definitely my knight in shining armor. You lift me up like no one else can, you make me smile even when it's the last thing I feel like doing, you take care of me when I'm sick, and hold me when I cry, I know you'd do anything to see my smile (including making a fool of yourself in public), you're my voice of reason when I have none, and secretly I'll always love it when you tickle attack me.. I am the luckiest in the whole world. You're my reason, my universe. I wouldn't trade a moment with you for anything else.
Know that I am always very grateful to you, even when it may not seem like it. Know that I love you deeply, even when I don't always say it enough. Know that I see how much you do for us, even when you feel inadequate. Know I'll always be by your side, even when it's rough. Know I'll always try to make you feel those butterflies you continue to make me feel on a daily basis.
Are you excited for our future too? I sure hope you are.. Because I'm bounce off the walls, jump up and down, crazy dance excited for it! And I don't want to be the only one with a goofy smile on my face over it.
Forever yours..
-Princess
XOXO
Dear Kevin..
I have so much I want to say to you, and not enough words to capture it all...
Everyone warned me that after the engagement excitement, and the months and months of wedding planning, the big day, and the being whisked off to a much needed honeymoon right after it all, I'd feel a lull and a kind of depression/down time.. Because after all that hype for so long it just suddenly stops.. No warning, no gradual descent.. It's just over.. And then what do you do? For so long the purpose was pulling that wedding together.. For so long it was all about running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and not nearly enough time in the day.. Then all of a sudden, BAM, life is just normal and mundane, back to the old grind, almost like none of that fairy tale time ever happened.
And I'll admit, it has hit me a little bit.. But I wouldn't call it depression, just a slight lull in life. We have our new apartment, our big day has come and gone, our honeymoon has also come and gone.. And I see couples getting newly engaged, or just barely seeing their engagement pictures for the first time, and I miss that feeling. That extreme high that gives you amazing butterflies in your stomach everyday, there is truly nothing like it. But has this feeling smashed me and totally taken over my life like some people would of had me believe it would do? No. Simply no. Why? Well, it's because of you. There is a whole new kind of excitement in my life now..
I didn't say yes when you got down on one knee almost a year ago in Disneyland only because I just wanted a wedding day.. I wanted a marriage. I wanted you. You and me forever, taking on the world together as an unstoppable duo. I wanted to wake up to your disheveled hair and little grumblings in the morning. I wanted to feel your warm arms wrap completely around me protectively in the biggest bear hug ever everyday for the rest of my life.. I didn't want to ever miss seeing the wonderful gleam in your eye whenever you see a new Lego set.. Or miss hearing your extremely contagious laugh echo through the halls of the house... Or have to fondly remember the way you crack yourself up whenever you tell a joke. I wanted all of you, everyday, for the rest of forever, just like you wanted all of me. Flaws, bad hair days, and all.
You are everything to me and more. Yes it is slightly impossible to not feel a slight low after all that hype. But all it is for me is a slight change in pace. Because we still have so much to look forward to in life together. So many more firsts and exciting things to come for us. And when I think of that, or wake up to your amazing eyes looking right back at me.. I get a new kind of excitement in my stomach.
I am so excited to get our first house together.. To buy our first dog together... Our first nice car.. Our first child.. Our first trip to Disney World, or a Disney Cruise.. And so many more amazing firsts. So much of this amazing life to take on with my partner in crime right by my side.
I am so overjoyed that I married you. And I will always look back fondly on this time in our lives. But I am much more excited to really get our lives together going.. The possibilities are endless!
I love you, Kevin, to the moon and back. You're the peanut butter to my jelly, the Han to my Leia, the butterflies in my belly, the apple to my pie, the Merry to my Pippin, the John to my Sherlock, the straw to my berry, the Westley to my Buttercup, the Nutella to my bread, the hazelnut to my coffee, the Sam to my Dean, the Link to my Zelda, the Arthur to my Merlin, the pep in my step, the sun to my shine, the vanilla to my coke, the peanut butter to my chocolate, the whipped cream to my ice cream.. You're the Forever to my Always..
I know the rest of my life is going to be a fairy-tale, because you are definitely my knight in shining armor. You lift me up like no one else can, you make me smile even when it's the last thing I feel like doing, you take care of me when I'm sick, and hold me when I cry, I know you'd do anything to see my smile (including making a fool of yourself in public), you're my voice of reason when I have none, and secretly I'll always love it when you tickle attack me.. I am the luckiest in the whole world. You're my reason, my universe. I wouldn't trade a moment with you for anything else.
Know that I am always very grateful to you, even when it may not seem like it. Know that I love you deeply, even when I don't always say it enough. Know that I see how much you do for us, even when you feel inadequate. Know I'll always be by your side, even when it's rough. Know I'll always try to make you feel those butterflies you continue to make me feel on a daily basis.
Are you excited for our future too? I sure hope you are.. Because I'm bounce off the walls, jump up and down, crazy dance excited for it! And I don't want to be the only one with a goofy smile on my face over it.
Forever yours..
-Princess
XOXO
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